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[Cara Esten]

Dear Diary,

Holy...shit...

I have been at Winterthorne for less than a month, and already so much has happened. Mom and Dad thought this would be a getaway for me, a place for me to be safe. Ha! Safe my ass.

Let's start things off with Mort.

Mort is a bastard. Mort is a jerk. Mort is a suck-up. Mort is insane. Mort is one of the most amazing men I have ever met. The second I first saw him, I thought he would be like all my other boys. Quick, fun, no strings attatched. Swoop in, swoop out, no big deal. But he turned out to be so much more. Apparently, he's already got a girlfriend. Dai, is her name. I'll get to her later...but girlfriend or no girlfriend, we slept together. Okay, we didn't get as far as I'd like us to have gotten, but I don't want to risk getting pregnant after being here only a few days! But of course, that set off his girlfriend. So she told him no sex for 10 days. Now what fun is that?

But strangely, I was more upset than I thought I would be. If he was just some new guy, why do I feel like this? Why did I give up on trying to win him over, just to make him happy? Why did I resist screwing him in Eurodisney, just to make things less complicated for him with Dai? Why the hell did I tell him everything about my messed up life? And why, when he didn't laugh at my...pregnancy...did I feel more special than I ever have before?

I don't love him. I'm sure I don't. Honest. But still...this is more than just a regular in-out liking of a guy. I think I might have a crush on him. But as long as he's with that bitch Dai, he can't be mine. I don't know what to do about him.

Next on the list to discuss is my new friends. Well, friend. KJ is the only person I know that likes me, besides Mort. She's a shifter too, a demon. She's beautiful and nice and fun, though she does have a short temper. Of course, she'll always be special to me after she fell through the water. She had gotten drunk, and we walked out onto the frozen lake. The ice under her broke, and I swam after her. She suffered severe hypothermia...and it was my fault. She was delusional and kept calling me her mother. Kjara didn't remember anything about Winterthorne...nothing at all. It was so frightening. And then her doctor kept hitting on her. I was about to kill him. I would have done it too, had he made a move on her one more time. But now, of course, because of that, I can't bring myself to go near water. I can shower and all that, of course, but the thought of pools, or oceans, or especially lakes freaks me out. Such is another bloodstain on my autobiography.

Now...squirrels. The squirrels here are evil!!! Kaden, Parker and I went on a camping trip recently. Innocent, right? Apparently not! While Kaden and Parker flirted and did God-knows-what (I certainly don't want to know...), I set up camp. I made the tent, started the fire, laid out the sleeping bags, everything. And of course, after all that, I was exhausted. So, I morphed into the form of a squirrel, got under a sleeping bag, and fell asleep. Well, who should go walking by than a perverted male squirrel?! He hopped into my tent, slipped into my sleeping bag while I slept, and...well...raped me. I was trapped in the corner of the bag! I couldn't go anywhere! What was I supposed to do?!

The damn thing got me pregnant. Freaking pregnant. I don't know how many babies I was supposed to have. But...I lost two. Mort and I got drunk together one night, and I think the alcohol killed one of my babies. It hurt...it hurt so bad! I'm such a bad mother! And then Dai...Dai punched me in the stomach. I think she killed another one. So I'm down two babies, but my stomach is still growing, and I can feel at least two more kicking around inside. I called my mom, asking for help. She only said one thing before hanging up on me. "Good luck on Thursday". I'm not sure what that means. Am I going to give birth on Thursday? Mom does have the ability to predict the future... Idon't know...even if I do give birth on Thursday, I'm not ready! I can't be a mom, let alone the mother of a pair of squirrels! When I pictured my babies, I thought of two blonde-haired people. Maybe a brunette child...but never squirrels, or any other animal. What am I going to do...?

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[Cara Esten]

Oh my God...Mom was right. I did give birth on Thursday!

I have to give myself some credit, though. I was right, too. I did have two babies. My little girl Mariah came out in her human form. My boy Tristen came out as a squirrel. Talk about being stared at. They are both so beautiful, though. I'm so proud of them!

I'll start off with Mariah, then move to Tristen.

Mariah is so sweet. She has a thick lock of blonde hair, blue eyes, and is as white as any vampire should be. She looks completely human, though when she's in her squirrel form, she looks like an albino squirrel. Her fur is completely white, and her eyes are a solid red. As for her personality, well, she's my Braveheart. I've never seen a baby so calm the first time they've been held by someone other than their mom. I handed Mariah to Melodii yesterday, the first time Mariah had been in someone else's arms. Instead of screaming like I thought she would, she played with Melodii's fingers, hair, and clothes. It was so adorable! She's such a brave little girl. For her powers, I know she is at least a shifter. She's turned into a squirrel (obviously), herself (obviously), and a bug. I was so scared I was going to lose her then! But as soon as she fell asleep a few minutes later, she turned back. Good thing she was crawling on the bed rather than a wall! She seems to be immune to sunlight as well, though I'm not sure if that's a power, or just from the squirrel genes. And as for other gifts, I can't be sure, either. Only time will tell.

My beautiful baby Tristen is so wonderful. He's got thin brown hair, probably from his father sire creator demon of a male parent the creature that donated his Y chromasome. He has beautiful hazel eyes, as well, and olive skin. It is a slightly darker shade than his sister's, but still completely vampire. I'm worried about him, though. He sleeps constantly, only waking up long enough to be fed and changed. I let Parker hold him the other day, and instead of waking up, he looked at Parker with wide eyes then fell right back to sleep in his arms. I'm not quite sure of his powers, either. I've only ever seen him turn into a beige squirrel and back to his human form. He hasn't done a single thing besides that. I don't know if he got the short, powerless end of the stick, or if he's just taking his time developing his gifts enough to reveal them. Either way, it makes me on edge.

Mort is getting confusing. I think he gave Ezra his heart back, but he's apparently still with Dai. I don't think I've talked to him since he gave his heart back. I'll have to hunt him down sometime, when he's not with Dai and when my babies are asleep.

Well, I'm going to get to bed. It's the first time in over 48 hours that both little ones are asleep at the same time. Let's hope they stay that way...

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[Cara Esten]

...I gave Mom my babies. They're safer there, what with the lack of murders at her place and whatnot. I'm going to miss them. Giving them to Mom was so hard. It took so long to bring myself to just let go of the blasted kids. They're still babies. It took almost three days for Mom to convince me that they were safer there. I'll still see them, of course. They will still know I'm their mother. And once I get out of this school, I'll raise them myself. But until that time, they're safe back home.

Now, the really hard part. Explaining my absense to everyone...without allowing myself to cry.

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