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Post by Parker James on Oct 1, 2008 15:24:39 GMT -5
Wow! Okay, so I'm not entirely sure why I'm starting a journal. All I know is that I've had a lot on my mind. Since this is the first time I've written, you don't know about anything in the past month. Let me tell you it's been full of drama.
First, there was the fact that I realized I had fallen hopelessly in love with Fletcher. It was too bad he was already dating someone else. Let's just say one day someone did some magic on us one day and we kissed. That's when all the drama really began. I ran off and tried to forget I ever cared about Fletcher, but that proved impossible. Kjara and I had a night of happiness, at least I think we did, but it was cut short. Not long after that I found out Fletcher started to really care about me. The problem was, just after we had made things official, Andrew showed up. That caused some problems, but I think that;s behind us now. Fletcher and I shared an amazing afternoon not too long ago. I lit some candles and put rose pettles on the bed to set the mood. My plan was to actually show him how I felt. I think it worked a little too well. He told me he loved me, but I'm not quite sure he really meant it. That's okay because I know that he is the person that I want to be with. Let's just say that losing my virginity was even better than I ever imagined. I'm so glad that I waited for the right guy. So, here is to waiting to see what happens next...
~ Parker
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Post by Parker James on Oct 11, 2008 17:24:36 GMT -5
Gosh! I'm beginning to think I'm a freak. Things just aren't normal with me, or anything around me. I wonder if I'm really only part angel. What else could I be mixed with? How screwed up can one individual be?
Back on topic. Fletcher still doesn't want me. We shared a sort of romantic moment today. I guess it's the baby that's keeping us close. I have a feeling he would just run off with Andrew and forget all about me if it wasn't for the baby. By the way, I say it's going to be a girl, and so does Fletcher. We decided the name Emily Rose Cross will be her name. Honestly, I was starting to doubt whether to keep the baby or not. Fletcher and I went to the doctor today and we found out I'm nearly half done with the pregnancy already. How crazy is that?! By 'normal' standards, I would only be about five weeks along. Something is up with this kid. I don't really get much of a choice anymore. What am I going to do? I'm scared out of my mind to try to raise a child by myself. Hell, I'm still a kid as well. Had I thought boys could get pregnant I would have used something! Well, I should have anyway, but I trusted Fletcher. Neither of us believed a guy could get pregnant. Do you think this is just an Angel thing? Who knows? He swears he will be around to help with the baby, but I think he may get too involved with Andrew. Maybe it will be possible for things to go the opposite direction? Emily could make us a real family. Maybe.. Kaden is the other thing that's bothering me. He's in love with Evan, but I can't help but have a crush on him. He's so adorable, and even his bouts of immaturity are endearing to me. Yeah, I'm one screwed up guy. So, besides the problem that he's in love with his best friend, he kind of has a reputation to sleep around. I don't really want to be another 'hit it and quit it' kind of thing.
hand on stomach I think it may come down to being just me and Emily soon. Cara swears she will be there to help. I swore I would help her, too. She's a pretty amazing person. I just don't know about anything anymore. I'm sort of considering leaving school. Things are just insane here. How could I try to make a life for myself and the baby in all this? Then again, I actually have a few friends here, I think. Time will tell... *********** Parker **************
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Post by Parker James on Oct 14, 2008 13:56:04 GMT -5
Wow! My whore alarm is going off non-stop. What happened to the good Parker? Seriously! I'm sleeping with everyone now! I hope it's just a combination of hormones, and knowing I'll be having to settle down here soon. -rubs stomach- Emily is apparently dead set on getting out of here asap. She's growing at an alarming rate now. I can feel it. Honestly, I'm terrified. About the last few days. I've gained a flipping 14lbs total! I'm fat! I guess it must not be too bad, because people still want to sleep with me. I've had a weird Kaden x Fletcher situation the other day. That was really hot! But then yesterday, Ezra, Annya, and myself were involved in quite an interesting sex fest. What the hell?! Raging hormones or what? Down side is that Flether and Andrew were having sex in the living room. That kind of bothered me, but I hardly noticed. It hurts more now to think about it.
Fletcher just needs to stick with his choice. I hate to say it, but it's true. I love Fletcher, but I'm not going to be second best, or wait for him to decide he may want a family. Honestly, all this sleeping around I'm doing could very well be to try and get him out of my system. It's working a little bit. If only Kaden would settle down. I would love to try and have a relationship with him. Still, I would pick Fletcher if I knew he wanted me and Emily, and was actually serious about it. -sighs- I guess we will see what the next few days have in store for me. I'll probably be fat and waddling by then. ~~~God Bless the Broken Road~~~
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Post by Parker James on Oct 28, 2008 16:42:06 GMT -5
Kj, I honestly wish I could explain everything that has happened. What bothers me is how I reacted to everything that day. You should know that this has been really hard for me. I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but I care more than words can express. Everytime I see you it's as if you are the brightest star in the sky. I can't take my eyes off you, and I'm wounded by your pain. You leave and everything just falls apart. My life gets full of confusion. I've found that when I'm around you is the only time I understand myself. At first I tried to deny my feelings. I'm sure I hurt you in the process. I'll apologize in my heart until the day that I die. What I've come to realize is that I love you. How simple the words are, but the emotion attached is so much more complicated. There will forever be a place in my heart that is yours forever. Nobody will touch it again. I had a dream that we were on a beach. We were watching the sunset, while all our friends stood around us. I think we were getting married. You were so beautiful. I was unwilling to wake up. I'm not sure why I'm writing this, because you are never going to read it. I guess I just had to get it out on paper before it ate me alive. One day, maybe you will know the words in my heart. Silence is deafening.
~ Promise ~
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Post by Parker James on Nov 11, 2008 16:17:52 GMT -5
Okay, so I'm feeling very psychotic lately. All this school has to offer is drama. I swear to god. They should just focus this school on theatrical performances. Not that anyone here needs any help with that. These last few weeks have been beyond crazy. Let's see...
I tried to kill myself sort of. Yeah, talk about a failed attempt. I was more of less just slipping out of sanity for a bit. All because I found out that Kaden slept with Tia. After everything else going on I just lost it. I went to the roof and eventually just scooted off it. Well, I thought twice and decided to try and use my wings, but they wouldn't work. I pretty much hit the bottom and nearly died. Honestly, I'm almost disappointed that I didn't. When I got discharged from the hospital, I realized I lost my journal. I looked all over for it and couldn't find it. That is why I don't have anything writen in here for a while. Lots of stuff happened. Asher went all crazy and zombie like. He just didn't respond to hardly anything. I tried to take care of him, but we'll see what he goes around saying. I'm sure he says I raped him or something, but I didn't. Ezra. Weird shit has happened there. I stopped him from killing Asher for fooling around with Sammii. Why did I do that? That's a good question. Asher and I don't like each other, but I keep trying to get on his good side. I saw him later and he denied I helped him, so I flipped out and punched him. It felt great. Oh! I hit Ezra at some point too. I guess I'm not so much of an angel anymore. </3 Kj. She's so amazing. I wish she would see it. Somehow, she had my journal all this time. I didn't ask about it and she didn't give any reasons. That's just the way it is. Things there are so crazy. We've decided it can never be anything other than friendship. I do love her, but I don't think we would be able to handle each other's baggage. That said we will move on. FletcherxDaryl. Whatever is going on there is driving me up the wall! It's not that I want Fletcher, but it's the fact he doesn't want me. He let me go for Andrew back in the day. It feels like forever ago. I guess I'm still kind of bitter. So, now he's spending time with Daryl, and it's bothering me tremendously. Daryl and I had a little bit of fun one day. I've always thought he was cute in some way. I remember when he practically hated me. That was when I first realized I was attracted to him. Talk about weird.
MortxDai. I'm going to kill them. Seriously. I swear. Dai tried to crush my balls. I called her a psycho bitch or something like that, which caused Mort to flip out. Well, she is psycho! What does he expect?! You can't just go around crushing someone's balls for no reason. He decided to leave me near death. How sweet of him. I went from trying to kill myself, to getting beaten by Ezra, then nearly killed by Mort, all in like three days? Yeah, so manyly to try and kill someone who is half dead already, dumbass. I'll get my revenge. I've kept it secret from everyone, but I bought a knife and I'm training like crazy with learning better self defense. The day will come. <3 Oh! I've learned how to heal myself. I wasn't able to before. How weird is that? Something feels different with that, too. Almost like now that my wings don't work my healing power has gotten stronger. I'm sure that's not how it works, but it's strange. I may not have an offensive power, but self-healing will come in handy. <3
Kaden. Everything there is beyond confusing. I've experienced feelings like I haven't before. I'm willing to protect him with my life. We have been getting more emotionally intimate, but less so physically. Kaden is kind of known for being sexually open. Not that I've been making much better of a name for myself lately. Still, it's like hit and miss. Sometimes when we see each other it's fireworks everywhere, and other times it's like awkward and quiet. I think it may be because we are both just confused and scared. I know how I care a lot about him, but I'm scared to get hurt again. I guess we will see.
~ P
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