if you jump i will jump too ;; {c}

[sammii knowell]

[ closed to dani and ezra ]

Suicide. It could be described, possibly, as taking oneself own life because you believe you don't have a reason to live any longer. Which was exactly how Sammii had been feeling for a while now. He didn't have any reason to stick around anymore, everyone would probably be happier if he wasn't around to mess up their lives anymore anyway. Everyone he had ever truly loved had left him in some way or another. First, his parents had died. Then his brother had become distant to him. But then he'd come to Winterthorne and things had finally started to go uphill for him for once since his sister-in-law had come into his life. He'd met Dani, and she had easily become his best friend. Things had been so fun and he was happy again. And then he came along. Goodness, it hurt too much to think about him... But he'd been so happily in love, there wasn't any possible way to be happier. Now he realized how stupid he really had been in falling in love with him. The whole time they'd gone out, it had been just like when they'd been friends. Teasing and hurting him constantly, yet Sammii was stuck like glue; unable to leave. He'd had plenty of chances to end it, people had even agreed he'd be better off ending it. Maybe he should have listened to them, instead of being so forgiving to him.

Then things started going downhill again, as life had a way of doing. Except, for Sammii, these things hit hard, and he didn't know how to handle them. Now he could recognize that he'd been fooling himself the whole time, living in some sort of two-year-old world where everything was bright and happy and people were good. Reality hadn't kicked in yet for him. To him, anything bad could be fixed by someone, and things would turn out great again soon.

But now the only two people left in his life that he loved, hated him. And it was all Sammii's fault too. Why'd he have to do that to Dani? He was such an idiot. Just to get him back. There was no way that had been worth it. Losing his best friend just to get back a guy who didn't even appreciate him. Oh well...he wouldn't have to

worry about getting hurt or getting in his way anymore. He could go have fun with Jackson or Devon or Trent, or whoever else he fucking wanted to, Sammii wouldn't be able to care anymore, right? He hoped so. And Dani...she had Adrien now anyway, and she'd never be able to forgive him for what he did. She wouldn't miss him.

Raising a hand to his face, Sammii wiped the tears away that were dampening his cheeks and reflecting the soft light from the stars and the moon outside. This was a nice place to die...wasn't it? Out on the roofs... Well, Sammii liked it, at least.The idea had come from something he'd wrote a few days ago. He'd been hoping that maybe if he wrote all his sadness and anger out, it would help. People did that sometimes—he'd heard about it. And so he'd tried it. In a way, it had helped, hadn't it? It had helped him in this decision. And this decision seemed like the best one to Sammii. The note was in his pocket now...he wondered, would it be considered a suicide note now? That was interesting...maybe it would be. In a very messy scrawl, the note read:

"All I ever wanted to do was be good enough for you. But I see that I never was. And that I'll never be able to. If I was good enough for you—the one you truly loved and wanted—then I don't know why you ever did those things. That's what always confused me the most. I gave up my best friend for you, and you repay me by doing stuff with your best friend. I need you, I can't live without you. But I guess you don't need me as much as I hoped. I just wish you hadn't pretended you actually cared so much for that long. It made it hurt worse when you admitted I was right the whole time. But that's what you wanted, I guess, to hurt me as much as you could. You like to hurt people, you've told me that. Which proves the point I'm an idiot in thinking that this would never happen. And Dani, I just wish that you could forgive me. But you probably never will. And I don't blame you—I don't deserve to ever be forgiven. But I miss you. A lot. You're my sister, and I'll always think about you that way. I don't think I can live without you either. At least if we argue, we're talking, which is better than having you completely out of my life. Because...what's life without the two people you love the most? To me, nothing. And I know neither of you would miss me. So why not? After writing this I realize everyone—including me—would be better off without me walking around stopping everyone from living their lives how they want to."

This was the right thing to do—he was convinced of it...there really wasn't any other choice. Sammii couldn't live with the pain of seeing him all the time, it was just too much. Though a small part of him was somewhat happy he wasn't getting in the demon's way any more. And he was glad that Dani was finally happy. He'd been holding her back too, hadn't he? Because she'd loved the werewolf...and he didn't love her back. It was his fault she'd been unhappy.

Everything was always his fault. But it wouldn't be any more. He wondered if anyone would miss him...maybe Kjara, Jay, and Bliss...Fletcher and Xio might too. But the thoughts of the people who actually still liked him brought twinges of guilt to him. What would the rest of his friends think? Would they be mad at him? He really hoped not. The worst thing that could ever happen was for everyone to hate him. He was doing this for their own good though, so he couldn't interfere with their lives anymore. They'd learn to get over it really quickly, he was sure they would.

Yeah...this was the right choice. Sammii was sure it was. From his pocket, he pulled out a pocketknife in his right hand. The metal felt cold and hard in his hand, it was kinda comforting in a way. He could do this. He could be brave for once. Just for once, Sammii...you can do it. All it would take was one quick slice...right? Then it'd be over forever. And in his last moments, he'd finally been courageous. And no one could ever say he was a childish crybaby, because he'd been brave when he died. Though...he pictured people might be more angry with him; instead of looking at the bravery it took to do this. Because...this wasn't like him—he knew it wasn't. He was supposed to be the happy-go-lucky, nothing-can-get-me-down sort of guy. Everyone was going to be so angry with him...

And he'd thought that things would get better with Asher...funny. All that came out of that was learning that no one could really love him that way Sammii had thought he did. It just had further proved he was a horrible person who could only hurt other people. Again, another reason to just kill himself.Screwing his eyes shut, Sammii pushed the blade against his skin—lightly at first, then as he started to get over the fear a little he pressed harder, until the blade cut through his skin. The dulled azure eyes opened wide and Sammii watched the dark crimson liquid that was already rushing down his wrist and dripping onto the roof.

[Dani James]

"Don't you wonder why suddenly we're all running out of time."

Things were so hard as of lately and it didn’t make much sense to Dani anymore. Hello, she was in love. Life was supposed to be great wasn’t it? She had Adrien now and he made so happy it was almost incomprehensible. Just seeing his face the butterflies in her stomach swarm and send bright red blush to her cheeks--and we all know that Dani does not blush. Blushing is for sissies. But love….love wasn’t for sissies. Love was…too much to explain but she knew she was in love with Adrien with all her heart, no question about it. Its was funny how things had turned out so perfectly ironic. Two people that hated each other the most ended up falling in love. Adrien and Dani. Who would have ever imagined it? Funny how they had gone to snappy remarks and insults and sometimes almost fought to being all over each other like they were each others life support. Now she couldn’t fathom living without him.

And now she that she had Adrien in her life…she didn’t have Sammii. And that’s what was killing her, she knew, she was just trying to deny it, like she did everything. She really needed to get over that habit. Sammii. Oh, God, Sammii. That boy made it so hard to not completely leave her natural state and cry every time she saw him. She missed him so much it probably wasn’t healthy. How could she not? Sammii was her best friend. Yup, was. Until he decided to use her to get Ezra back. How many times had she told him that Ezra was going to end up hurting him. Of course, most of that had been when she was in love with Sammii but she had been right, hadn’t she? Not that she wanted to be right. God, she never wanted to hurt Sammii. Ever. If she could have chose, she would have never fallen in love with him but damnit, she did and there was nothing she could do about it. Hell, Dani had even tried to keep it from Sammii but no, Ezra had to fuck everything up and tell him and that’s when things went downhill. So downhill. In violent way. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have the person you love find out that you’re in love with them and they not love you back? It sucks. Its one of the most painful, humiliating feelings in the world and you just keeping wishing that the atmosphere will rip open so that you can trip into a black hole and disappear forever. Only it couldn’t have been that easy for Dani, no…instead Fate decided to be a bitch and Sammii asked to do the one thing she never wanted to do and would always wish would happen. He asked her to kiss him. T fucking kiss him. Why? Oh, no, not love. No, to get Ezra back and well, how could Dani possibly say no to her best friend? The one person she would take a bullet for. There was no way in hell that she could say no to him and let Ezra walk away. She just couldn’t but she did. He never should have asked her but this was Sammii. If he asked her to eat piles of dirt, she probably would have just see him smile. True, she was in love with him. One would think, oh, here’s your chance, go kiss him and enjoy it but no. Its not that simple. Dani only wanted to see him and if getting hurt in the process meant getting him and Ezra back together--no matter how much she hated him and trust me, she hated him. (Not that he didn't hate her back.)

And yes, maybe its ridiculous but to have Sammii of all people to ask her to do something like that was so fucking painful. It was like teasing a homeless, starving person with food. What was she supposed to do? Laugh in Sammii’s face and say ‘Too bad. There he goes.’ ? You know she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. It wasn’t physically possible in her mind. So she did and look what happened. Everything became awkward. Now it was impossible to be in the same room with the boy because images of him brings back memories of how he just used her like she was some object good for getting what he wanted. And that’s what made it worse. He was always in her head. He was there when she closed her eyes. He was there when she slept. Poor girl had dreams of hugging him again and nightmares of losing him.

And now, that being said, Dani was trying harder that she should have been to go to sleep and failing miserable because guess who she couldn’t get her mind off. Not Adrien. As if. No, Dani couldn’t stop wishing she had her best friend to talk to her until she fell asleep. Sammii was the only person she knew who she could call up and he would make up stories to tell her so she could drift off. He was the only person she knew who would instantly make her feel better just by laughing and there was nothing she could do about it. So she lay there, tangled in her sheets with every intention of making herself sleep and spilt her tears onto her pillow until she couldn’t take it anymore.

Dani threw the blankets far from her body and jumped out of bed in one quick motion, somehow not waking up the few roommates she had left. It was a miracle no one heard her thumping around. Oh wait, that’s because no one was here. No doubt Xio was off with Evan. That girl was gonna get hurt one day and Dani wouldn’t have the heart to say I told you so. Her eyes darted around for a second and she tried to think rationally. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. It was 2 in the morning…Still, she needed to see him. Hug him. And it couldn’t wait. It wouldn’t wait. Whether he was awake or not, she was going over.

Slipping her feet into her white element shoes, she headed for the door and grabbed the jacket waiting for her. It wasn’t her jacket, it was his Sammii’s. The same jacket she stolen from him so long ago. Though, he wouldn’t have cared. He took her jackets all the time and vice versa, but this one was her favorite of all his jackets. Everything about it screamed Sammii. It even smelled like him. It was the same jacket he had let her borrow the first time they hung out. The same jacket he gave her whenever he was going to be away. The same jacket she had worn when she confessed her love and the very same jacket she had worn when they stopped being friends. At least now if it didn’t work out she’d have it to return to him.

Dani wove her way through the halls and down the stairs. Out the front door and across the lawn to the boy’s dorms where so many memories has passed between them. She could get to Sammii’s room in the dark and probably with her eyes closed.

“Sammii!” She called loud enough that he would be sure to hear her and open the door and knocked a couple of time, eager to say whatever was threatening to spill out oh her mouth. She didn’t know what yet, she just knew it would come out when she saw him. This was the moment. Either they would let this sillyness go or they would let it each other go but it had to be one or the other. She couldn’t keep playing this game. “Sammii, it’s Dani!” she reinforced and knocked again. She bit her lip and frowned at the door in front of her. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. It was pretty late. She pondered the thought for a moment and debated on going back and in the end, she turned the handle is hope that he hadn’t locked it as usual and pushed it open only to find it empty. “Sammii?” She looked around and was greeted by silence. His sheets were messed with and tossed but no Sammii lay within them. Someone growled at her in a way that meant, shut the door, you’re letting in the light and she frowned sheepishly. “Sorry!” She raised her hands and backed out slow, shutting the door behind her. If he wasn’t here, it couldn’t be good. Sammii wasn’t the kind of kid to just go out at night. Half the time he didn’t even like the dark. Dani trudged back down the hallway and tapped her hands against her sides. Where would Sammii be at a time like this? There was no way he would be with Ezra, she knew Sammii too well. She almost went and called him and just before she went to pull out her phone, something clicked. Maybe she was wrong, but there was no harming in checking up on the roof. They had spent so many nights up there, watching the people below, staying up all night talking about nothing and just being silly that something have her a smidge of hope. Maybe he was up there. She might as well try, right? So she tiptoed back into the building, to the back where the almost hidden door was and started their was so familiar path up to the roof. With each step, a little bit of her hope fell and she was halfway set on turning around but she kept on. She was there so she might as well check.

Dani stepped onto the roof, the night air hitting her body through Sammii’s jacket and rustled her hair around her face. If she thought her heart had stopped beating the moment she stopped being friends with Sammii, she was wrong. Now was the moment for it to stop and drop into her stomach.

She squinted her eyes in the darkness, blinking rapidly as if the image would get more clear. It was just a dream, it was just a dream. It had to be. She was back in her dorm and she had fallen asleep. That’s what it was, what is had to be. But that logic just wouldn’t sink in. “S-Sammii?” His name came out choked and weak and she pushed herself forward, her throat going insane dry as she swept her eyes across his body; shaking on the cold stone. Her stomach churned in anxiety. One more step. There was no mistaking that hair…those eyes…that face. Not even in the darkness. Something burned behind her eyes.

Her eyes followed the trail of blood on the ground, oozing dark red--almost black. It puddled beneath his wrists in a shiny pool. “Sammii!” This time his name was a gush of breath escaping her and Dani fell to her knees at his side. Her hands grabbed his face and pulled him up to her lap, the tears cascading over her cheeks and onto him. “Sammii, Sammii! Please, Sammii, What did you do? Sammii, please, please! Oh, God, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

[sammii knowell]

"Just cut a wrist, like cheap coupons, and say that death was on sale today."

Looking around, Sammii rested his gaze on the forest in the distance. It was so peaceful, so dark. The breeze ruffled his raven-black hair gently again and he actually gave a small smile. He knew he'd picked the right place to die. This was a place that him and Dani had come to many nights and afternoons. That was a big reason that made it perfect. It was their spot. They'd sit up here, being loud and crazy like the best of best friends did, late into the night, getting in trouble by the people trying to sleep; ignoring them. This place was personal, and therefore, perfect. The smile widened. He didn't want to be sad when he died. Why not think of the good memories? Sure it was the sad things making him do this, but the good things could see him off.

Dropping the blade onto the hard, cold ground absent-mindedly, Sammii stuck his unwounded left hand into the pocket of his tight black jeans, shoving the note further down into the pocket it was housed in. The last thing he wanted was for someone to find that (though, of what he knew, once he was dead and someone found him, they would check him for anything—evidence, a reason, whatever) and know why he'd done this. He didn't want Dani or Ezra to know about the note, which they undoubtedly would if the note was found. The note was just supposed to be like one of those letters, the kind you wrote to get your feelings out about someone, never intending to actually send it. He couldn't give the reason why he didn't want them to read it. You'd probably think anyone would want the people to feel guilty, to think it was all their fault. But Sammii didn't. He didn't anyone else to feel they were at blame. You could count on Sammii to be, well, Sammii, all the way to the end. To lay all the blame solely on himself. That's what he'd always done, after all—he could always find a way for everything to be his fault. That's the way he wanted it. As long as the rest of the world was happy, Sammii would be upset. That's what had probably brought him to this in the end. Trying to hold the weight of the world's sorrow and pain on his shoulders constantly, well, it was finally crushing him; becoming too much for the boy.

Eyelids dropped over the light blues a few times as Sammii tried to blink away the tears coming down again. Despite everything, he'd miss Ezra; he already did. He'd miss Dani. He'd miss Asher and Jay and Fletcher and Kjara. He'd miss Blair and Tia. He'd even miss Jackson, believe it or not. He wished he could've fixed things with everyone before he'd come up here and done this. Part of the werewolf needed to say sorry to Asher for hurting him; to apologize to Jackson for hating him because of Ezra. It wasn't Jackson's fault that Ezra was, well...a whore, really. That's what he really wanted to do the most. Apologize to Jackson. Now Sammii realized it wasn't right to have hated the demon because Ezra couldn't just be faithful.

"Sorry Jackson..." the werewolf murmured to himself, "You too Asher," he added, as though the other boys would be able to hear him, wherever they were right now. It was a lame excuse, but at least saying it outloud made him feel the tiniest bit better. Suddenly he wished he had a pencil, so he could wirte it out as well. He could stick it in his pocket along side the "suicide note", so someone could find it. Maybe they'd show it to Asher and Jackson, and they'd be able to forgive, somehow. He'd write something to Dani, too. Though he knew he didn't deserve to be forgiven. Not by Dani, not by Asher, probably not by Jackson either, when it came down to it.

He had no regrets. Regrets didn't help, he knew that. He was gonna die without regretting anything; he just had to try. I'm sorry everyone. Really, really sorry. The apology helped him feel better; made him feel like he could die more freely. He wished for a second this side was the one people saw more often—the deeper thinking, more mature version; the part further in Sammii's head. It bothered him when people thought of him as a weirdo who acted two years old. But his thoughts were starting to drift...

He wouldn't be able to tell you if was the loss of the blood quickly spilling from his wrist, or maybe it was the sight of seeing all the blood forming a puddle on the ground below his right wrist—perhaps it was even a combination of the two together—but the blue-eyed werewolf suddenly felt very light-headed, eyes unable to leave the puddle of dark crimson liquid—black in the darkness surrounding him. His vision started to go a bit fuzzy, black spots popping up along his vision; he was going to pass out, he could tell. Well, at least if he passed out, he'd die peacefully, right? It wouldn't be too painful. Because right now the deep slice in his wrist was rather stinging, making him wince if he moved it even a little. After a minute, Sammii's knees gave out under the weight of his body, unable to support it any longer. Before he could fully lose consciousness, he layed down, resting his cheek against the comforting cold of the stone roof below him.

A breathless voice reached his ears, sounding distant. “Sammii!” He'd recognize that voice no matter what. Dani. He eyes had been closed, but now they opened weakly as he felt soft, familiar hands grab the sides of his face and lay it in her lap. What's she doing here? he thought to himself, a small wave of shock going through him. "Oh, God, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Sammii shut his eyes again at the words, tears spilling out from the hidden blues, his body subconsciously forming the tears. Me too. He tried opening his mouth to say the words, but when he did nothing spilled out and he just closed it again. So, so sorry... was the last thing he thought before consciousness left him completely.

[Dani James]

"So much tragedy fills my lungs, as I try to scream for help."

Of course the room was a plausible place to look. Where else had they spent so many nights together? If they weren’t being silly and acting like five year olds (which was probably the reason Sammii acted so the majority of the time) they were having deep discussion only one another could understand. No one, not even Monster, Logan, Xio--not even Adrien could understand her the way Sammii did. He just knew her. It was like her was the guy version of her or something. (With specific differences, of course.) Sammii didn’t even need telepathy to know what Dani was thinking. He could probably be blindfolded and know if Dani entered a room. :P

So it was both a shock and relief when Dani recognized his familiar form on the cold concrete beneath her feet. It was the feeling of released anxiety from finally finding him and the tightening in her chest because a normal person would not lay on the floor that way. And they wouldn’t drip blood like liquids either. Whatever relief Dani felt at that moment quickly dissolved and turned straight into fear again. It look her a moment to really understand. Like she was out of. She could see her best friend lying on the ground but it was like her body refused to believe it or register or something. It just didn’t make sense, really. However, fortunate for both of them, this didn’t last long and Dani was quickly on her knees, pulling the boy to her. Everything was going in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. She didn’t seem to posses the ability to breath properly nor think straight yet her tear ducts managed to work just fine/ If Sammii didn’t die from the gash on his wrist, he would surely die from drowning in Danni’s tears,

“Sammii, Sammii!” She shook him hard despite that the fact that he didn’t seem to be conscious anymore and pressed her face against his forehead. “Sammii, please answer me. Please say anything, please!” She sobbed against his skin before inhaling a large breath and staring at him. Even in her state, she was fully aware of what was happening and the skin on skin contact was forcing her powers to kick in. She could see the fears that were so familiar. He was afraid of the dark. He hated scary movies. He didn’t want to be alone….he didn’t want to lose her…wait what? That one made her go stiff. Despite all the shit that had happened he was still afraid that would have bothered him but she never realized it might be something that he feared…

She sniffed and an clear image of Ezra filled her mind--mind you, unwillingly. He was afraid of Ezra? Or of losing him. Maybe both. Sadness filled Dani heavily. She had missed so much about her friend since they had stopped talking. It was like losing a part of herself.

Dani blinked and touched Sammii’s cheek. Calmness took over body and the gears slowly turned. Anyone in their right mind knew that it wasn’t healthy when someone’s heart was pounding the way Sammii’s was and cold skin=bad. She had to gulp down her fear and haul Sammii up. He wasn’t necessarily heavily but there was a lot of deadweight….Dani cringed at the though and mentally changed it in her head. Sammii was NOT going to die. She wasn’t going to let him. “Come on, Sammii, you’re gonna make it,” She whispered into the cold air, her breath forming white clouds in front of her and she pulled the boy up with the best intention of ignoring the blood that drip drip dripping onto her arm and clothes.

She swallowed a nervous lump in her throat and fought the urge to scream. That kind of behavior would not be helpful in this situation no matter how good it sounded for waking someone up to help her. She didn’t want to accident damage Sammii’s hearing while he was like this. He was going to perfectly fine, damnit. He was going to live no matter what Dani had to do.

He breathing lessened a little bit and Dani almost choked on her tears. It took every once of strength she had to not break down and cry and pick Sammii up in her arms. “Please be okay, Sammii. You can’t leave me. I need you.” She mumbled the words through tears and cautiously followed the way she had came in, her steps clumsy and slow from fear of hurting her friend. She wasn’t wonder woman. This was harder than it sounded. Both physically and emotionally/

“Come on, Sammii, keep breathing, please,” she urged him though she knew he couldn’t hear and made her way painfully slowly down the stairs. When they made it to the bottom she released a painful breath. She hadn’t realized she’d even been holding her breath until the oxygen filled her lungs and a rush of clarity filled her. Time was slipping by and she knew it. Danni’s eyes darted around in frantic measure and she weighed her options. What were the odds and what was the smart thing to do? She blinked once, twice and made up her mind before hobbling her way across the grounds. Little drips of snow melted in her hair she walked and by the time she was halfway there, the bottom of pajamas were soaked through. She didn’t noticed any of it and she carried her friend across the school grounds and out the gate, the tears soaking her shirt and his, leaving a salty trail on her cheeks. She had to fumble for the key on her necklace but they made it out and headed towards their destination. The blood soaking her hoodies and jeans didn’t even cross her mind. It didn’t make her determination falter and she did her best to half run, half walk as quickly as she physically could. This was her only hope. Sammii didn’t have much time and she knew. If this didn’t work she wouldn’t make it either. She just wouldn’t. If Sammii died, she died. That’s just how it worked.

The tricky part was getting Sammii up the stairs. I can’t even explain the different ways Dani had to carry Sammii but she did and after what felt like a painfully long time she was staring at a cheap door, the tears clouding her eyes as she kicked the door in frantic measure. “Help! Please open the door! Please help me!” She yelled at the front door separating them from life and death and kicked as hard as hard as she could. Now the only question was would he open up and save Sammii?

“Please!” She yelled at the door and tried to stifle a sob though she knew Sammii couldn’t hear her. She wanted to be strong. She had to be. “Ezra, please, wake up!”

[ezra hart]

It all started with the hallucination.

Hallucination – a false or distorted perception of objects or events with a compelling sense of their reality, usually resulting from a mental disorder or drug. An illusion. A false or mistaken idea. A sensory experience of something that does not exist outside the mind.

A desire for something you cannot have.

That was what it was, he decided. A desire for something he simply could not have. The more he thought about what he couldn’t get, the more he wanted it. It was an endless stream of things like rules that kids broke just because they were held back. The feeling, so overwhelming, of need consumed him entirely. Who had done this to him? Who had made life so miserable that illusions could not suffice for his pained heart? Perhaps ... Fate. Fate had made it clear that, when they met, it did not like him. He never took it very seriously, though. Fate expressed its utter disgust in him when it made its usual morbid appearances. Then it left, leaving someone’s reborn body to rise again or someone’s unborn child to crumple and fall. Life went on. No one gave a second thought about Fate once it had given them what they wanted, or taken away their dearest necessity—their will to live. It was only at times when everything was taken from you that your thoughts drifted back to the unknown.

What else was there to think about?

The first thought had been a simple, fantastically grotesque thought: death. It would take the pain away, right? As the thought grew, its spindly, elongated black tendrils leeched their way onto every angle of his mind. They laced themselves in-between old thoughts and feelings, tracing their way and embracing each aspect of his life with jagged and prickly desire. And his thoughts adapted to their touch. Would it be so bad to let loose from the world? To fall endlessly into an abyss so sinister and bleak that not even the mere reflection of love could spur him from his sleep? And would anyone really miss him? The words of spite that others had fashioned nipped and sank into him every bit as spiny as the web that started it all. His heart sank deeper and deeper into cynicism and doubt; not even the tiniest bit of remorse could reach him. The back of his mind, free from the ever-nearing coils of covetousness, was at work; what would happen if he came back? He himself would be lost forever. Even the bluest of the blue could not save him. He had inevitably saved him again.

The most important of all thoughts was not going to surrender to this...thing. This beating, pounding thing that made him suffer through endless nights of insomnia. The thing that made him want to rip apart his chest again to scoop it out, dripping lust and all, and cast it back into the oozing depths where the dark thing resided. It whispered to him, kept him up. He had tried to block it out in the beginning. He had boarded up the doors and strapped every window in the room with a thick, crimson tape so that no light could have possibly intruded upon his misery. Charred remains of roses lay scattered on the floor. Tattered, faded pages from books that were of no use crumpled, strewn across the bed. And in the midst of all the chaos and confusion he would stay, knees pressed to his chest in a desperate attempt to shut out the voices. The voices that crept up to his ear, willing him to close his eyes to completely shut out the light and never let it return to him.

He had spent most of his life hiding things. It was life’s turn to return the favor.

As it went, it took God roughly seven days to bring everything into existence. Time-wise, that’s a pretty good work rate. The thought of what any one person could do in a day was inconceivable; yes, there was a limit as to what one could accomplish. However, the time used to process each individual task was inexplicably unpredictable. Working your way through ten hours of sweat-drenched economy took—well, ten hours. The discovery of something magnificent, whether it was noticing how crisp the shade of blue of the sky was that day, or a more intimate aspect, such as love, could vary from anywhere between a fraction of a second to your whole lifetime. This particular task was much more time-consuming in that he had no idea where to begin with; having had immoral views, the indignant excused from his presence, there was no correct place to start at. Each thread of thought led to another, which led to another, which manifestly led back to its origin. And each day he was left exactly where he started.

The voices had returned.

“I can’t...” The moan had slipped from his lips unintentionally. He figured he wouldn’t keep the shadows waiting very long; not only was it lingering at his core once more, but it was also, frankly, quite rude not to finish his thought. “I can’t go. Not now.”

The irritated hissing ceased a few moments later, and the thing watched him with a curious expression. It was a wonderfully nauseating fight for a boy of only eighteen. Even the blue slits, which radiated a red from the tape on the windows, still blazed with a fierce potency.

The demon’s lips barely moved as he shifted so that his body rested at an awkward angle, his head plastered against the wall as his body shuddered in hideous rhythm with his pained and rapid breath. Sweat dribbled down the side of his arched neck; every now and then his fingers would twitch, or his eyelids would flutter, and the malevolent, forked tongue of his desire would flick and nip him once more to probe the depths of his sanity. It wouldn’t be long, the thing reasoned, before his body would be sated with the sin of centuries. Then, perhaps, it would strike. For now the savor of pain would suffice.

Another inward groan, this time unafraid to leave its owner, stirred the thing’s thoughts.

“I’m leaving. I’m leaving this place—you can’t make me stay any longer...” his jumbled words, scratchy and worn-out from the heat, tried to make sense of each other. He heaved himself off of his plastered form against the wall and shuffled to the edge of his bed.

The dark thing chuckled.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ The demon gritted his teeth, jaw clenched, as he forced himself to sink off of the bed and pull himself the last few feet to the doorway. Ignore the voices, he told himself. Ignore them. They’ll go away soon enough. It only held its grip on him when he listened to it, right? He was clutching the wall, now, pulling himself through to the main area of the apartment. Each wall pulsated red, and everywhere he looked made the sinking feeling of perpetual anguish more apparent. He could not escape. He sank to his knees, crying out as the voices reached him again. They encircled him in, grinning wickedly, in a tribal-like celebration of victory. He clutched his head. The pain was too much...

He found that old memories returned to him in flashes. Jackson’s pink feather boa. Daileh stealing oranges from the science department. Alice daring him to climb the bell-tower after hours. Jay trying her damned best to get him to smile after junior year, when they blew up his cake accidentally. Tia running into his arms for the first time. Blake and Kjara slipping their fingers into his mouth to pull it up into a smile when Jay seemingly failed. The group hug that lasted for hours and hours when Jackson accidentally tripped down the stairs and was sped to the emergency room (and the scolding after Ezra laughed at the pink cast he got). The look on Sammii’s face when they were pressed together in the middle of the Secret. The bright blue eyes that trailed over every inch of him with the deepest passion he’d ever known...

The spell was broken as the crackle and dawn of another voice split the tension. He looked up.

I know that voice... A bemused look crossed his face as his eyes surfaced again. For a few moments they lingered on the floor so as not to strain his vision too much; slowly they rose again to meet the door’s level. Someone was...knocking? Who wanted to see him now? He was pretty sure he had driven off every single person that he knew. Unless it was Stefan or Kaden. Maybe they had teamed up against him. Yeah, he could see that. Coming to finish him off and put his dead body on display for all the world to see. They’d like that. Only...it wasn’t two voices. It was one. One very, very familiar voice. Only he couldn’t put a name to it. Every syllable pierced his mind until it dug deep enough for recognition to surface.

Ezra, please, wake up!

Ezra was shocked back into the world. The shallow hisses of the dark thing slowly faded in comparison to the intensity of the cries and pleas for help that came from just outside his apartment door. “What...?” he croaked, struggling to come to a standing position. His muscles tensed and fell noticeably limp as he staggered forward, pulling on a jacket that hung loosely off of the back of one of the chairs at the counter. The chained, black pants dragged across the floor as he shuffled along, tugging at his t-shirt numbly and rubbing his eyes to perhaps regain control of his mind once more. Finally he reached the door, and with a grunt, he ripped the wooden boards off their hinges. A frown twitched at his lips as he carelessly tossed them to the side. Screw the screws. He’d get them out later. Resting his hand on the handle for a few moments, he turned it and swung open the door.

The look on his face went quickly from annoyance at having to have pulled down his masterpiece of a blockade and getting up to answer the door to annoyance that he was right in that it was Dani to wondering why she’d even show up in the first place to wondering what she was carrying to...noticing.

He cried out, arm snapping up and caressing Sammii’s cheek at the sight of him. His eyes flashed with worry and fear and his mouth dropped open in shock; this wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to Sammii. Not to him. Sammii was the one that was always happy—he was the Disney character. The kid. He wasn’t supposed to...you know. He wasn’t supposed to show up in Dani’s arms with blood trailing down his own. “What happened...I don’t...why?” He wasn’t making sense. Then again, he wasn’t to be blamed; the boy he had been searching for non-stop was finally here. Only...not in the way he had expected. “Sam—” his voice cut off harshly as he choked. “I’ll...hospital...?”

Without thinking, he enveloped both of them in a hug and jerked them to the hospital.

ooc; wow sorry. -__-; the last part was crap.

[Dani James]

"Stay awake, stay awake, survive,
counted nineteen stars that I gave your name tonight."

Its difficult to truly explain what Dani was feeling at that moment. She was stuck somewhere between going insane and waiting to just fall to her knees and cry and sense of urgency that demanded that she save her best friend because no matter what happened, she was always going to love Sammii. No matter how many times he hurt her or took her for granted, he was always going to be her best friend but if she slipped up and wasn’t quick enough--if she didn’t save him than she would never, ever forgive herself and she would never expect anyone else to do so either. She couldn’t live without Sammii in her life, she refused to. And if that meant doing something no matter how impossible it seemed, then damnit she would do it. She was going to get Sammii to a hospital and damnit he was going to be okay other wise she was going to slit her wrists too.

She was not going to accept this, no, Fuck that. Dani kicked Ezra’s harder and yelled though her throat was sore from the cold air she was breathing and the tears she kept choking on. “Ezra, open the fucking door, please!” She would kick down this door if she truly had to, and you know it. Right now would have been a great time to have some really useful power, like flying or teleportation or even super speed. Fear amplification wouldn’t do her any good in this situation. For once she truly felt like she was going to fail and it was the one moment when she truly needed not to.

Dani couldn’t help it--she burst into a river of tears that immediately seemed to soak the front of her shirt again. It blurred her vision and ran down her cheeks like a sign that was meant to prove that she couldn’t be strong for her friend, even at a time like this. A dull ache was starting to shoot up her arms and spread. Sure, Sammii was skinny but the boy got a lot heavier when he wasn’t helping her. When he sagging like dead weight. Dani let out a choked sob at her careless thought and gripped her friend tighter. He was not dead! He was not going to die! “Hang on, Sammii, You’re gonna be okay.” She threw on more kick at the door and prepared to kick it in. Maybe she didn’t have super strength, but trust me when I say, that door was going to open, one way or another.

To her fortune and Sammii’s, she didn’t have to waste time kicking anything down because a half asleep, half crazy looking Ezra’s yanked open the door and stare at her. He could stare all he wanted. He could glare at her. Fuck, if he wanted to slap her, she would be okay with it as long as he helped her. Step one was already complete. He had opened the door. Now he just had to help them. He had to save Sammii, he had to.

She stared up at him through tears obscured eyes that begged him to save them. Her body shook under Sammii’s weight and her legs wobbled but she wouldn’t let him go. For the first time in a long time, Dani saw something in Ezra’s eyes and she truly understood that he loved Sammii. He wasn’t making any sense but neither was she really. “Ez--ra,” she choked his name out in broken syllables and tried to burst into tears again. “I--I--” She couldn’t even form words anymore. “He--” She gulped and blinked feverently at the raven haired boy in a way that pleaded he save her best friend.

She managed to nod though he probably couldn’t tell from the way she was shaking an allowed herself to be enveloped; her arms tightening around Sammii’s body and hugging him to her chest as tightly as possible without crushing him. The world around her disappeared; Her feet left the ground and they were gone.

[ezra hart]

Declare this an emergency
Come on and spread a sense of urgency

When you were spinning through space, it felt less like the earth was ripping out from under you and more like you were being removed forcefully by it. The wind hurtled around them, whipping through his hair and making their clothes rage; his jacket flapped around them and snapped against his face as he shut his eyes tighter. He shielded the two feebler with his body, clutching them to his chest in a desperate attempt to keep them alive. It was like trying to press his body against a balloon during a tornado; if he held on too hard, he’d press into the dripping wounds, and if he didn’t pull close enough, he’d lose them forever. This was why he didn’t like to teleport with other people. There was always the risk that he’d be no match for the force and he’d drop them along the way, which either lead to stranded friends or...well. He didn’t like to think about the other option—especially not when it involved Sammii.

The entire process of teleporting somewhere took a fraction of a second to the average eye; to him it seemed to take a little under five seconds. First, he had to focus on where he was going to go. He needed either the name of a place or a crisp image of his destination blazing in his mind for it to work. When he was younger he’d experimented with names like “Neverland” and “Candy Mountain” only to find himself, very confused, in the middle of the line for a ride at an amusement park. The next step, of course, was pushing his power out to actually take them where he wanted to go. It didn’t drain him at all, though, like other powers; it felt like a spark emitting from the tips of his fingers which required no more energy than picking up a paperclip. Lastly, he needed to hold onto them long enough so that they’d all end up in the same place (alive). Teleportation was a mysterious skill that not even time benders could imitate.

And pull us through it all
And pull us through it all

He pulled them out.

The landing hadn’t worked out as well as he originally planned. When they hit the cold floor of the hospital, three things went wrong. The first was that he had intended them to show up at the area right in front of the emergency room, and because he had been too worried about keeping Sammii’s body parts intact, the image had flickered. Instead they landed about twenty feet to the west, in front of the receptionist’s desk and a series of frustrated doctors, annoyed nurses, and frightened interns (three strange people, one of which was dying, appearing in the middle of everything didn’t exactly help that). Paper scattered up due to the force that they had exerted when they hit the ground; the air was a mass of falling sheets, records, and screams of those around them. As usual, Ezra made his appearance with flair. Unintended flair, mind you, but flair nonetheless.

The second thing that had gone wrong was his balance was off. His feet hit the ground at an awkward angle, and he stumbled backwards and crashed into an older woman, who wasn’t too pleased at having the demon fall backwards into her lap. She started to snap at him angrily, yelling something about how having a strange, absurdly dressed man with awkward flamingo hair crushing her internal organs was not something she wanted after having discovered that her oldest grandson had an STD. He wasn’t too worried about being smacked with a cane, so he ignored the rambling of the older woman and pushed himself to his feet, brushing off the dirt that had either come from the old woman, the floor, or the field of space and time (it was quite dirty as no one bothered to clean it very often).

The third thing that had gone wrong was that he was missing something. At first he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but the sense of something he had forgotten overwhelmed him. Frowning, he quickly reached into his pocket and drew out a pocketknife. He flicked the blade out and held it up to his face, after having glanced over his body for any missing parts, and his frown deepened at the sight. Great. The pigment in his eyes had been left behind. How could you lose the pigment in your eyes?! He turned the blade to the side a little bit to see if it wasn’t just the light. Nope. His eyes were the lightest shade of blue possible, almost see-through. Just peachy. He grunted, slipping the knife back into his jacket pocket, and quickly glanced at Sammii and Dani to make sure they were okay. They were fine (not fair), much to his relief; he couldn’t be bothered with going back into the field of space and time to look for a missing eyebrow.

And this is the end, the end
This is the end
Of the world

His eyes refocused on the scene. People were flailing this way and that, bumping into each other and spurting phrases of nonsense. Apparently they weren’t used to people falling into their hallway faster than the speed of light. Huh. Go figure. He scratched his neck, opening his mouth and trying to grab the attention of one of the racing nurses. Unfortunately, each time he attempted to plead for help, the nurse would turn away and head in the complete opposite direction, screaming. What the fuck?! he thought to himself angrily, watching as people dashed by him on either side. “Hey!” he yelled, annoyed; people continued in their mad frenzy, shooting him a frightened look as they passed. Wasn’t this a helpful hospital? “HELLO? Isn’t this a hospital?!” No one stopped to answer him. They screamed, jumped, and tried to collect the sheets of paper that were scattered around the reception desk.

This was annoying.

This was also utterly useless. Any time he tried to explain what he wanted at this damn hospital, they would turn and run away from them. Honestly, what was so frightening about a six foot tall demon with blazingly fierce eyes who appeared out of nowhere during the busiest time that night (not to mention the two odd-looking people he had taken with him)? It was impossible to convince them that he wasn’t trying to kill them. Finally he gave up on trying reasoning with them. Grunting, he shot his arms out and grabbed the two nearest doctors by the collar. He lifted them up so that they were at his eye level and gestured to Sammii, putting on the best glare he had when he faced them again. “Save him. Now.” He growled, dropping them on the ground; they squeaked a little and hurried over to Sammii. Shortly after their encounter with the “scary man”, they had him hauled away.

And it’s time we saw a miracle
Come on, it’s time for something biblical
To pull us through it all
And pull us through it all

It had been a while now.

A while here was roughly equivalent to one and a half hours. Three hours trapped in a room with Dani James. Three hours trapped in a room with the only other person he had ever known to love Sammii as much as he himself did. Three hours in a silent hell icier than the deepest, darkest depths of a heartless demon’s soul. He didn’t know what to say—what could he say? He wasn’t going to strike up a conversation about something they both liked, because the only thing he knew they both liked was sitting in a room somewhere, being taken care of by a group of terrified doctors. So he sat in silence.

And this is the end, the end
This is the end
Of the world

Three hours.

He had thought about going out to get a few roses to give to Sammii when he woke up, but was stopped by the thought of missing him actually waking up. The thought that a doctor would come in and tell him that everything was okay, and he could see him now. So he stayed.

Three hours of flipping through magazines.

Three hours of silence.

Proclaim eternal victory
Come on and change the course of history
And pull us through it all
And pull us through it all

Three hours, fourteen minutes, and seventeen seconds was how long it took to save a life.

Three hours, fourteen minutes, and seventeen seconds of silence.

The doctor walked in, a grim look settling upon his face in a way that clearly showed his discomfort at having to talk to the two of them.

“Mister...Hart? And Miss James?”

His heart stopped.

“You may see him now. Follow me.”

And this is the end, the end
This is the end
Of the world.

[Dani James]

I think we have an emergency...
I think we have an emergency...

The ground left her feet and so did the color around her. It all seemed to mesh together into a swirl that made her head ache with unease. Ezra had never been that well with teleportation. Who the hell wouldn’t be scared with winds whipping at your face and body at a hundred miles an hour? Still that was not Danni’s biggest worry. She had a lot more on her mind and his name was Sammii. She felt like she was counting seconds until she couldn’t do anything else to save him. Like watching him die from across the room and not being able to help him. It was killing her on the inside. There was a physical ache in her body and being hurled through time and space didn’t exactly help her fear or the nausea settling in her stomach. Dani clutched Ezra--yes, Ezra and Sammii and held on for dear life. If she could have opened her mouth during all of this, the ride would have been filled with “fuck’s’ and ‘shit’ and ‘Goddamnit’ and every other cuss word she could think of. It didn’t last very long and she was thankful. I guess it was more of the aftermath of being teleported then the actual teleportation itself. Still, anything that wasn’t physically saving Sammii’s life felt like it was taking too long and taking up way too long.

“Ow!” Dani huffed out loudly as her body hitting the cold ground of the hospital. A loud groan followed as she rolled over on her back and sucked in a large breath. Yeah, Ezra was definitely going to have to work on his landings more often cause that right there was going to get someone hurt one day. Speaking of hurt. “Sammii!” She cried out in a frantic, high pitched voice and looked over to see her friend lying on the marble floor, pale as a ghost, still unconscious. She crawled over to him rather pathetically (from a stranger’s point of view) and scooped him back in her lap. “Sammii! Sammii...Some--” she choked out her words and look around. “So--somebody save him, please!” She shoved fallen papers out of the way, her hands leaving bloody prints on the and dark red smudges as she scattered them away and tried to pick up Sammii.

For a hospital, this was a really shitty place to be as far as she could tell because Sammii was still on the ground, DYING and no one was fucking helping them. Who the fuck cared where they appeared out of? They could have came out of someone’s ass, their job was still to saving the hurt and dying people. Last time she checked, people covered in blood were usually hurt or dying so why the fuck weren’t they fixing that?! “Please, save him!” she pleaded pathetically to a nurse who only shied away from her and did her best to get as far from Dani as possible and still get to her desk. “PLEASE!” Dani cried to no one. Sitting on her knees and holding back more tears that kept threatening to burst through, she hiccupped and stared at Sammii. She couldn’t think of what to do. She couldn’t bring herself to move away from Sammii because she was so afraid any breath he took might be his last so she sunk to his side and tried to breakdown. If he died, she find a way to die too.


Up until this point, she really thought this was the end. Somehow, Sammii had always seemed invincible to her, no matter how young he acted. He was the happy kid, the Disney character come to life. Everyone loved him and he loved everyone. Shit like this just didn’t happen to people like him and yet, here it was, happening and she was powerless to stop it. Why wouldn’t they just save him? Didn’t they realize what they were doing? Had this been a different situation she might not have had been so devastated. Hell--had they switched places, let her die! But not Sammii. God, No, Not Sammii--Anyone but Sammii. She was a fraction of a second away from letting go and finding her own method of death when Ezra’s annoying familiar but appreciated voice caught her ears and the next thing she knew, some scrawny doctor was scurrying to her and tugging her away from Sammii.

“No, he’s alive, save him!” She nearly shrieked and tried to run back. Someone caught her by the arms and she struggled against them. “No, lemme go, they’re gonna take him away!” Had you known Dani you might have understood her but to everyone else it probably just sounded like she was on drugs and she blubbering through tears. “No, Sammii!” She yelped and fought against who the hell had a hold of her in panic. They couldn’t take Sammii! Not without her. He wasn’t dead, they had to save him. ‘Calm, down,’ she heard a soft voice tell her. Things were starting to spin a little. All of today’s events and all of her bottled emotions were starting to get to her now and she couldn’t even think straight. ‘He’s going to be okay,’ someone told her, yet the didn’t let go. Their firm grip on her arm ached a little but she didn’t have the strength to push them away. “Sammii…” she murmured the words and watched them haul away her best friend and disappear around the corner. The room swayed and then she swaying with it and then it just went…black.

When she came to, she was no longer at the front desk being held back like some maniac but half laying, half sitting in a fake leather chair next to no other but Ezra who looking like he was going to snap the next person he saw in half if they didn’t return his Sammii to him. She raised an eyebrow and shot him a funny look. Yeah, yeah, she didn’t want to be with him either but it appeared they were in this together.

She racked her brains for something to say--anything at all, but nothing came to mind. So she sat there, curled up in the random blanket placed over her and stared at the white wall before them. Do you know what its like to spend three hours of silence with the person who hates you the most? Not like this, you don’t. With everyone second, her heart sunk a little lower and her faith dipped a little further down nearly smashed into the floor. What if Sammii wasn’t okay? What if Ezra blamed her? Hell, she blamed herself. If she hadn’t been such a terrible friend, none of this would have ever happened. It was her fault Sammii was dying. Maybe even…de--….nope, she didn’t couldn’t bring herself to even think it.

“Thanks.” She finally mumbled out in a slur of words. That headache was still present and going out on its full potential. “For Sammii,” she clarified and turned her heard to gaze at him, just a little. She couldn’t make herself meet his gaze so she stared at the floor instead and tried not to think about how much more Ezra deserved Sammii than she did.

Three hours.

Time sure does fly, huh? …NO.

Time drags by like a trickle of frozen substance. Like the hands on a clock frozen in place by fate. Time was no where in hell by her side. If she had to read one more TIME magazine she was going to give herself a million paper cuts and let herself bleed to death. She couldn’t take this anymore, she just couldn’t. and in the end she broke down; the tears breaking the barrier and cascading over her cheeks and she slumped in her seat. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, the words directed at Ezra. “I’m so sorry.”

The words tasted foreign on her tongue but she meant every word she said. She didn’t get to finish her apology, though.

Because three hours, fourteen minutes, and seventeen seconds had passed and were now accompanied by a blurred face and body surrounded by a cloud of white. It took her a moment to see straight and realize that that was a lab coat, no a cloud.

“Mister...Hart? And Miss James?”

Her heart stopped.

“You may see him now. Follow me.”

[sammii knowell]

i open my lungs dear
i sing this song at funerals, no rush...

The blackness was starting to fade. Was it supposed to do that? His head felt so fuzzy and he couldn't think right. Everything was swirling around, just a big mess. But something was nagging at him—the blackness was starting to fade. Something told him that wasn't what was supposed to happen. He couldn't be sure, of course—but something felt wrong. He didn't feel...dead. He just felt sort of...dizzy and confused and fuzzy.

these lyrics hurt a thousand times
just plush
a baby boy you've held so tightly...

A bright light was starting to come into his vision through his eyelids. Not a natural sort of light. One of those artificial lights—a sort of fluorescent light. That helped prove it. Something was wrong; he wasn't dead, like he wanted to be. And he couldn't remember anything... What had happened? Someone must've come and saved him, stopped him. Or something. Right now he had no sense of the time or where he was. If he could just...open his eyes; see where he was; know what was going on. Anything. But the heavy blackness was still stopping him. It was a weird feeling. Sort of...numb-like. It wasn't too bad, it wasn't extremely pleasant a feeling either. But at the same time it was...somehow. It was a kind of in-between feeling...the numbness; the blackness. He could stay like this, if this was being dead. As long as he couldn't feel anything. As long as he couldn't get hurt by the people he loved anymore. As long as he couldn't hurt the people he loved anymore. Then he could settle for this.

this pain it visits almost nightly
missing hotel beds
i feel your touch...

Although he couldn't open his eyes, his ears started to pick up sounds after a while. What he heard was a lot of commotions and rushing around. It was a sort of controlled panic commotion. He still couldn't understand what was going on though. So, he settled for trying to remember what had happened before the blackness came. He could remember standing on the rood—at his and Dani's spot. He could remember saying sorry, hoping that Jackson and Asher would somehow know he's said it. He could also remember the glint of the razorblade as the moonlight hit it—he remembered knowing he'd been brace for once, just for once. Then...then he couldn't remember. then, it was all black. But someone must've come; someone messed up his bravery by saving him. Who'd even cared about him enough to save him? If he could just remember who... If things could just come back to him... If he could just open his damn eyes... If, if, if. It always came back to if. For such a small, short word, it sure could mean or change a lot. It could mean life or death, it could mean going out to have fun or choosing to stay in your dorm to finish a project you'd saved for last minute, it could mean choosing between the person you love—your soul mate—or your best friend—the only person who really knew you, who knew you better than even said soul mate did. Yeah, it could mean a lot. It was all about the consequences when it came to 'if'.

i will wait, dear
a patience of eternity, my crush
a universal still, no rush
no dust will ever grow on this...

Things kept growing clearer and clearer as time moved on. The blackness continued to face; the voices and sounds became more like voices and sounds than the fuzzy and muffled things they had previously been. Then some memories stared to come back to him. Like what had happened before the blackness had come over him. The blackness that he realized had been him going unconscious...that's all the blackness had been. All he'd done was lose consciousness. But he knew now; he could remember who'd come and saved him. he wanted to see her now; to cry and hug her—he needed his best friend. He needed Dani. Dani... Why had Dani saved him? It didn't make sense. Wasn't she mad at him; didn't she hate him?

one million years i will say your name
i love you more than i can ever scream.
we booked out flight those years ago...

Time still wasn't making any sense. His eyes still wouldn't open. But he needed to...to see Dani. To know if she was still here...wherever here was. By now he was assuming it was a hospital. it would definitely explain the bright, almost hurtful lights. How had she gotten him here though...before he had died? His head was still too mixed up to try sort it out and make any sense of the situation. And there was a big, blank space in his memory from while he was unconscious. He couldn't remember anything that had happened during that period of time... So he just worked on trying to open his eyes and blocking out the many muttering voices that were making his head feel dizzier. Then another thought came to his mind.

The note.

Shit... Had they found they note? He hoped to goodness that they hadn't dug through his pockets while he was unconscious. Please, please, please, he begged. He didn't want Dani to see that. He didn't want them to call Ezra, for him to hear about it; for him to come here; for him to be angry or upset. He just had wanted Ezra and Dani to be happy.

i said i loved you as i left you
regrets still haunt my hollow head
but i promised you i will see you again...

After a while, only a few voices were left... A muttering nurse or two. He tried to open his eyes, and they only opened half-way—his vision was too blurred and fuzzy to make anything out though, so he closed his eyes again for a while. But...he needed his eyes open. Now. He tried again, and the opened all the way. Everything looked cloudy still. "D-Dani..." Sammii choked out. A nurse rushed over, but he wasn't sure why or what she was doing—he was still too out of it. "I want to see...Dani," he said, his voice was still weak and groggy. The nurse shushed him; she told him he shouldn't talk. Then she said that the doctor had gone to get them and tell them they could come in. 'Them'? But...who else was here with Dani..?

[Dani James]

“You may see him now. Follow me.”

Those words were like incomprehensible babble for a second. Say what? Dani blinked through her tears at the nameless lab coat and struggled to understand what they were telling her. Everything she had been thinking about, everything she had been saying, it just kind of disappeared and there was left to do was stare. He was alive? She gulped though it did nothing to help her at all and then she tried sucking in a breath but still the lump in her throat remained. “Is…is he…” The words trailed off in her throat and she glanced at Ezra not sure how to make her feet move. She’s forgotten how to walk from falling so much. All the energy she’d had was gone, stolen by time and exhaustion. So she stood there for a good minute and stared some more. She wasn’t really staring at anyone, if was more of a blank stare where nothing made sense except that Sammii was evidently alive. He had to be.

Time seemed to hold her back for eternity then without a warning it pushed her back into reality and she almost fell forward as she semi leaped forward. She didn’t know where the hell she was going, she just was. Two seconds flat and she was out of that room into a hallway that confused the hell out of her. Why the hell did all the doors look the same? All the walls….everything. She turned one way than turned the other and almost cried because she had no idea where Sammii was but the need to see him was killing her. It was almost pathetic the way tears sprung to her eyes again.

“This way,” Someone told her and she whipped around to see the same lab coat that had been with her earlier move down the hallway. Dani followed, the anxiety building in her chest; her vision still blurred. It was hard to make herself pass the doorway once the nurse did. She stopped right in front of it and took a breath, then another, then another and once she got started, she couldn’t stop. Someone patted her on the back before she remember to calm down. “Breathe,” Someone whispered to her and Dani nodded her head feverishly, desperate to look halfway decent. She didn’t need Sammii to see her this way. Or…what if he didn’t want to see her? Danni’s chest tightened at the though and she found it hard to keep calm. What if he still hated her? Or even worse, what if he hated her for find him and trying to help? All these possibilities were crashing into each other and her though process didn’t seem to want to work. Suddenly she felt the need to lie down but she couldn’t bring her mouth to speak. Someone kept her from telling anyone and she knew it was solely because whether or not he hated her, she needed to him anyway. For her own sake. Just to know that he made it. Her eyes came up, and to her surprise, met with Ezra’s. She hadn’t expected him to still be here…with her. She hadn’t expected that almost sympathetic look in his eyes that made her gaze him with the most blank look. “Come on,” She whispered, her head barely moving to signal her intentions.

As much as she disliked Ezra--and we all knew she did, it was different now. Something had changed in the time that she had found Sammii lying on the ground. Every time she glanced at Ezra from the moment he opened the door it was like looking at another version of him. Something was different. Something was….missing? She couldn’t quite put her finger on it but each time, it surprised her all over again. She just wasn’t used to seeing him looking so close to breaking. Like she could truly see the love he was trying to hide behind his eyes. He was hiding it. Maybe he didn’t feel the need to admit it, but Ezra did love Sammii, she knew it. Maybe even more than she did and that was just fine because she had let go of those feelings for Sammii a long time ago. It was simply the pain of having to see that had gotten to her. Like he might laugh and remind her of how much she had hurt. “Ezra?” She asked again, ever so softly. With the way he was so quiet and looking away, it was hard to tell if he was ignoring her or not. “Ezra, will you please come with me?” She couldn’t do this alone, no matter how much she wanted to. If she saw him and nothing had changed, she might cry. And if she saw him and everything had changed she would certainly break.

Well, silence wasn’t going to propel them in there so she sucked in a small breath and pushed open Sammii’s door. She wasn’t going to look back but I promise, she was hoping with everything she had that Ezra followed her. Stepping into the room alone was scary enough but when her eyes traveled from his folded up clothes, smeared with dried up blood that sat on the chair next to the bed up past the wires connected to his wrists and snaking up to his face she almost cried out and fell. “Sammii,” she croaked out and rushed to bedside. “Oh, Sammii…” The most painful looked crossed her face and she stared down at her friend. How could she have let him get like this? This was what she had do because she was to selfish to put back aside a silly mistake. “Sam, if you can hear me, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have been so stupid. I needed you and you, you needed me and I just let all of happen and…” She sniffled, the words getting caught between her lips; her hand closing around his. “Why would you do this,” she whispered, more to herself than him. “I need you, Sammii. Don’t you know that?” He had to know that. Everyone knew that. Her eyes closed and she lay her head on her chest for a moment, her eyes twitching to keep her from crying. Even if he never spoke to her again she would be okay. As long as the faint echo of the heart monitor next to her never stopped beating she could learn to accept what she had lost.

[ezra hart]

Dizziness overcame him. He was having trouble making sense of what was reality and what was just the wishful thinking of his mind. Was all of this just a dream? He could still be in his apartment, trapped by the wicked thoughts that had held him back from any contact with the outside world. This whole event—the visions, the blood soaked-shirts, the eternity of silence spent in the hospital—all of this could be fake. His mind had long been taken by the corrupted feelings in his heart; his body was ruled further by his ever-growing love—only not as much by the sighs and smiles of caressing the pale skin he knew so well, but the pain of being left. Of being alone and unwanted, as his thoughts told him. If all of this was a dream, a cruel impulse of his mind to further destroy his soul, it was working. His body was numb and rigid at the same time, and everything he heard seemed like a far-off sound. The rustling of papers being shuffled, the nurses and doctors running back and forth across the marked white floor—the beating of a heart—all of these images flashed before him like old memories.

When you felt like your life was put on slow-motion, the big picture was lost. Minor details were kept. The color of Dani’s shoes. Which month was inscribed on the issue of Seventeen in that adorably hard-to-read font. How slow the seconds seemed to tick away when you didn’t really need them. When each second lost seemed familiar—a past second that you hadn’t cared about at the time. How each fraction of each minute of each hour made you realize the time you’d lost before. How everything seemed to go so…fast, and that when you needed time to pass the most, it wouldn’t. Time was funny like that. It made you linger on the edge, on your toes, waiting, pressed for the moment that a miracle could occur—and then it slowed you down. It slowed you down to make you think, to make you appreciate what you couldn’t have. To make you understand that what you thought you were about to lose shouldn’t ever be lost again…couldn’t ever be lost again.

The doctor’s words had hit him like icy water. He let them trickle down his forehead and over his half-closed eyes, dipping into his ears and over his lips. As his eyelids hovered with uncertainty, then opened slowly, like the birth—or rebirth—of a child, the words sunk in. If they could see him, as grim as the messenger was, there was a chance that he had survived the operation—no, he was certain that he had survived. As quickly as the icy words had cracked the silence, he used the last bit of strength he had in him to push himself out of the safety of the cushioned chair and back into the reality of it all. As he rose, staring down the doctor with a masked face, he waited to be led back to the cause of all of this—the fighting, the drama, the heartbreak, the love.

As they walked along, he thought.

The best thing about tonight’s that…we’re not fighting.
Could it be that we had been this way before…?

He thought back to a time when he and Dani had gotten along. Before he had known anything about her feelings for Sam. Back to a time when their biggest troubles had been how to attract mermaids, or trying to get a single kiss out of Sammii, or who could eat the most Doritos in thirty seconds without getting sick. Back to a time when the redhead cared more about showing them how to do a handstand than how much time he and Sam were spending together. When, at night, they would all lie together and talk about how silly it was that Dani couldn’t admit her feelings for Adrien, or how Kjara and Stefan were a cute couple, or maybe how Jackson and Logan were the cutest thing since Xio and Evan. Back to a time when heartbreak meant munching valentine candy and drama meant the seventeen movies they had picked out for movie night (when, of course, they’d only get through half of one before they started playing tug of war with twizzlers).

I know you don't think that I am trying…
I know you're wearing thin down to the core.

The worst of it all was that everyone thought he wasn’t trying. That he wasn’t trying to make things better with either of them, but instead was pushing all of his problems away like that would change anything. He was accused of being an asshole, a jerk, a bastard—any other name you could think of calling him. He was accused of not loving Sam, and ruining whatever chance at standing friendship the redhead had with him. He was the reason that Sam cried at night—he was the reason that Dani cried at night. He had tried, at first. The attempt was to ignore what he saw in Dani’s eyes. Of course, that didn’t last long. It was like gazing into a mirror—something he didn’t want to see. Then, he reasoned, they would stay friends; the girl was the closest thing Sam had to a sister (or mother, for that matter), and he couldn’t take that away from the boy. He loved him too much to let that happen. And…somehow, he had done exactly that.

…what had he done?

When his and Dani’s eyes met, his look of remorse was so great that at first he couldn’t recognize himself. He had to be strong, he knew that. He tried to shield whatever emotion begged to leak out in hopes that he could pull them, the both of them, through it. She looked like she would break at any moment, and his skin had paled so greatly that in effect the both of them looked like soulless spirits drifting after the doctor, with no exact direction intended. They were ghosts of themselves—the old selves, the selves that could laugh and smile together, returning to help them. With what exactly, he did not know; what he did know was that he had lost all harsh intent, all ill-will for the girl beside him. In fact, he had lost most of his feeling toward her; at the moment, they were just two strangers following a light to lead them home.

Would he go with her? It took him a few moments to let it sink in that, behind the door they stood at, rested the beginning or end of his life.

“Yes.”

The door swung open.

But hold your breath

His heart stopped him before he could take the first step. Instead he found himself staring at the boy, willing him to take the wires out of his body, get up, and wrap his arms weakly around his body. He wanted nothing more than to be held and told how “perfect” he was.

He couldn’t do this. Not now.

Cold tears dribbled down his face as he tried to make sense of what was going on. From the clothes to the side to the mess of wires—everything was out of place. Bitter realization swept over him, the tears rolling down faster, as he trailed each glistening tube back to the werewolf. He knew, and the only thing that made it all worse was that he was falling in love with him again. Before he broke down completely, he managed to speak.

“I’m sorry.”

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again.

[sammii knowell]

Time, much like their dear friend Fate, was a torturous thing. It loved to tease you. Once you were having a good time with your best friends, the people you loved, it decided to zoom by. Sometimes so quickly that it seemed you had just gathered at Old Danny's for a hamburger two minutes ago; when in actuality it had been two hours. But when you needed time to go quickly, it never did. When you got to the climax of your favorite movie. Or perhaps when you were waiting for your friend to get here to yell 'Surprise!' at their birthday party.

That's what it felt like now. Only it wasn't anything exciting like waiting for Jay to get there and surprise her with a party. Nor was it anything mildly dramatic like when Prince Eric and Ariel were trying to defeat that damned Ursula. No. This was much worse. Time slowly ticked by as Sammii waited for Dani. For 'them'. It oozed away slowly like say, a slug moved along on the sidewalk during one of those perfect spring days you spent in the courtyard with your best friend, laying in the grass. When you pointed out which clouds looked like butterflies and which ones looked like Flounder or Eve or maybe that one looked like a flower, while you giggled and carried on and threw pieces of the green grass at each other. But those were all long ago memories now, back when him and Dani were freshmen and had just become friends. Back before he'd really even known Ezra. Back when the best thing had been that he'd finally escaped from his sister-in-law all the way across an ocean.

Sammii took the slowly ticking time to look around him. He realized that there were multiple tubes and wires all around him, connecting him to various machines. The beep, beep of a heart monitor that was familiar only from those shows like House played not too far from his head, reading out his heart beat; making sure he was still alive and doing well. It was sort of surreal to see himself laying in the hospital bed; with the tubes and wires everywhere, his clothes placed on a nearby chair with his blood smeared on them, the bright lights of the hospital. He'd never pictured himself in here. Not like this. He'd never really even been in a hospital to visit someone for something like this. No one he'd known had ever had to stay in the hospital for a long period of time. You came, got a cast on your arm or leg or whatever you'd broken, and left. You only came back after a while to get it taken off. That's the only reason Sam had ever been to a hospital before. He'd had his fair share of broken bones, of course, being as clumsy as he apparently was. But he'd never experienced passing out and waking up in a hospital who-knows-how-long afterwards. It was really sort of a scary thing for the small werewolf.

well he was just hanging around
then he fell in love.

It seemed to be a century later when the door finally opened. The door that 'they' were supposed to come through. The werewolf felt the tears already forming in his eyes. What was she going to do when she came in and saw him? Was she going to yell at him? Be angry at him for what he'd done to her? Maybe yell at him for being an idiot and doing this. He'd deserve anything though, if she came in and yelled at him. He had been an idiot to hurt his best friend like that; to use her. He'd been an idiot to this because look, he wasn't dead. Instead, he'd probably hurt the people he loved more. Yeah, the tears were forming, but as soon as the werewolf saw the familiar, bright red hair of his best friend—of his sister, really—and heard her say his name and rush over, the tears spilled from his bright azure eyes. He couldn't stand that pained look on her face. Why had he had to hurt her like this? He hadn't wanted to; hadn't meant to. He heard her words, and the tears spilled faster down his cheeks. Why had he done this? How could he tell her without hurting her more? How was he supposed to say that it was because he thought she hated him, that he thought Ezra hated him? But she needed him. He needed her, too. He knew that. He wanted to nod his head and tell her yes. "I—" he tried to say, a quiet sob leaving his mouth, "I know." His voice was rough and quiet, trying not to completely lose control. When she laid her head on his chest, Sammii carefully gave her a hug. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. It wasn't right, none of this was. It didn't seem natural for him to be laying here in a hospital bed with her crying over him. They were supposed to have fun with each other, supposed to stay up late making up stories for each other and watching movies.

'I'm sorry.'

The werewolf almost froze at the voice. He'd been so...distracted by Dani rushing over to him, he hadn't looked over right away to see who the other part of 'they' was. He looked over now; he didn't want to though. He was scared of what he'd see. It didn't make sense that'd he'd be here. That he'd be apologizing. Sammii weakly shook his head, fighting back the sob that was forming in his throat; the tears pouring down his face faster as the sight of the demon.

and he didn't know how
but he couldn't get out.

Ezra wasn't supposed to cry. Sammii had never really seen him cry before. The demon was always the one who showed up strong, who held him when he was sad. He wasn't supposed to be crying like this. He wasn't supposed to be crying over him. How could he have done this to Ezra? How could he have hurt him so badly? How could he have been stupid enough to do that and make the other boy cry? The worst thing, in his mind, that he could do was hurt the other. But now he had. And it hurt him in turn. It hurt a lot. "D-don't..." he tried to stammer out, still fighting the sobbing. "Don't cry, Ezra." He bit his quivering lip. "Please. I—...I love you...don't cry."

just hanging around then he fell in love.