Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Oct 13, 2008 17:34:44 GMT -5
Mood: Strangely happy. Listening to: A Rocket to the Moon.
Romance is such a complicated thing. I feel as if my heart is tearing itself apart, trying to go in numerous directions at once. And no matter what direction I choose to go in, I know that a large part of my heart will end up feeling disappointed. It sucks.
Luckily, I don't think that I have any real say in the direction I end up going, so I don't have to worry that I'm going the wrong way. After all, it's impossible to believe you chose the wrong route when there is only the one road.
Another positive is that I don't think that my heart will be divided in it's ultimate reactions. This is because I think that the only open road leads to all out heart break. With as little actual heartbreak as possible if I have any say in it.
As things are at the moment, I would get back together with Trent in a heart beat if he decided he wanted me. I'm almost positive that we're "meant to be," if only because Blake told me so during that Sammii period. She couldn't be wrong, I'm sure.
At the same time though, I am almost completely sure that if Denny - Kaden Ferris <3 - asked me to be with him (in more then a physical manner, I mean) I would instantly say yes to him as well. This whole love/hate war in my head over him seems to be nearing an end, and I think that love is winning. Of course, this may just be a temporary break in the battle. Who knows for sure?
Maybe I should just be happy with neither of them wanting me. Better that then having them both want me. If put in that situation I have no idea who I would choose. Trent seems so reliable, and I could imagine myself growing old with him. But Denny just seems so... dangerous! And that is definitely a turn on.
I'm not going to stress myself over the choice though. Imaginary ultimatums are completely pointless for anything other then to lead me down a quick path to insanity.
In other news, Daryl and Melodii both got shipped off to the hospital. I have no idea what is going on with that.
Also, I'm determined to make Xio and Denny friends. And to help Denny get over Evan. Even if he's not going to be with me, I'd like him to move onto a more stable and healthy relationship.
...
That is all.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Oct 13, 2008 17:40:19 GMT -5
Mood: Look to previous entry. Listening to: Look to previous entry.
You know what? Denny and I could never make a good couple anyway. I imagine we'd both want to be the dominant one in the relationship, and I can't imagine either of us ever giving in to the other.
Oh well.
I'm still determined to curb his whore-ish ways, and get him into a proper relationship. Just not with me. Damn.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Oct 14, 2008 19:13:17 GMT -5
Mood: Depressed. No I'm not emo. Listening to: Within Temptation.
Why do things always shift so damn dramatically? I won't lie: I am kinda really shitty/upset right now. Fuck Denny. Fuck him and these stupid feelings I have for him.
I really didn't want to cry over him again... Damnit.
But seriously, it's probably my own fault. I shouldn't have started flirting with him in the first place. I knew that he would be expecting more from me. He was probably right to get angry at me for not letting things go further.
Damnit, I can't find the words. I'm going to just end this here.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Oct 15, 2008 7:24:12 GMT -5
Mood: Pleasant. Listening to: Kylie Minogue.
I've decided it will be best if I try to avoid Denny as much as possible. At least for a little while. I just need some time to get over him. Once I think that I can see him and not get upset over him having zero interest in me, I will allow myself to talk to him properly again.
So yeah, in my attempt to do this, I just kept to myself today. I didn't bother going to look for people to talk to until much later then usual, and as I expected there was pretty much no one around. In fact, the only person I saw was TK. That's awful, right? Wrong. Well mostly wrong.
TK and I started arguing as we do about Trent and other stuff, and then I maybe kinda punched her in the face or something (I'm a little foggy on the details *cough*). So then maybe TK started beating into me and stuff, but that ended quickly.
THEN, I don't really know why, we had some kind of like... D&M!
We, like, talked about the problems we had with one another, and yeah, I guess that just allowed us to get over our issues.
We also kinda maybe kissed, but it wasn't really a romantic thing, it was just something that happened. This is definitely not going to be a repeat of the Denny incident. Also as much as I say I hate boys, everyone knows that I could never do without them.
We agreed not to tell Trent about the kiss. I still hope that maybe someday he will forgive me. Apparently TK wants him to come back and be her friend again too. Maybe if I can fix things with Trent and me, I can fix them with Trent and TK too? Hm...
I don't think I will be going around being besties with TK though. Sure we've patched things up and all, and I feel like I understand her more, but I dunno... I don't want people to think the end of the world is coming or anything.
Plus I don't want Trent to suspect the kiss at all, even if it didn't mean anything.
Oh, TK also made me try eating a crayon. It wasn't terrible, but it isn't something I'll do again. I'll leave that kind of freaky shit to her and Trent.
Things are looking up? I think so.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Oct 19, 2008 5:46:44 GMT -5
Mood: Back to depressed. :\ Listening to: From Autumn to Ashes.
I feel so empty. Is it possible that I am nothing without a partner? Without someone to show affection to? And to receive affection from in return? It sure feels that way right now.
Over the past few months I've been flitting from Trent to Sammii to Trent to Denny to random sexual encounters, and this is the first time that I've really been... alone.
It's also the first time in forever that I've felt so down. It's a pretty darn big coincidence if those two things aren't connected.
I need to find a way to get over this.
I met Krys today.
He can make people feel pain if he wants. He can also change peoples moods. He says he doesn't like to use his powers though. Despite that, he said that if I wanted he could make me feel numb.
I'm considering.
The only negative my mind is letting me see is that I might like feeling numb. What if I get him to make me numb, and then I never want to feel normal again? Krys said that he can make me feel that way as long as I want to, but I don't think he meant forever.
Still, I might do it.
It has to be easier then just feeling depressed.
I miss everyone.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Oct 20, 2008 4:15:43 GMT -5
Mood: Don't ask. Listening to: Dixie Chicks.
So, good news or bad news first? Let's go bad news. Today totally sucked. Like, seriously. Hardcore suckage! The good news is that I was actually right about something. Avoiding Denny was the best idea I have ever had.
Sadly, just coz I am planning on avoiding him doesn't mean I am able to do it.
A bunch of people were hanging out (Me. Izzy. Xio. Samson. Denny. Um... Tia. Jackson. Parker. Maybe some other people?), when Parker and Denny fully started getting touchy and cute right in front of me. Rude much?!
So yeah... Even with Izzy trying to keep me calm, I got kinda upset and threw a shoe at him. Which then started a big argument between us.
He pretty much told me that it was my fault that me and him weren't together. I dunno. Maybe he's right. Perhaps I could have tried harder to be with him.
I can't believe he has made me cry. Again.
At least he's made my decision about Krys's power easier. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I need a break. I don't care about the consequences.
I guess I will be crying myself to sleep tonight.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Oct 22, 2008 18:05:47 GMT -5
Mood: Impatient. Listening to: Nothing.
I'm going to track down Krys today, so this may be my last journal entry in a while.
Wish me luck.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Nov 5, 2008 6:30:39 GMT -5
Mood: I'm fine. Stfu. Listening to: Christina Aguilera.
It's been a while since I last wrote in this. Two weeks to be precise. I did say that might happen. It doesn't matter though. What does matter is that I'm writing now.
So yeah, as you may have guessed, I did manage to track down Krys, and he did do what he said he would. I only returned to my normal self yesterday, and I'm thinking that it's probably a good thing.
The past fortnight has been... pretty much a blur. I actually don't remember most of it. Just snippets. Like the fact that Parker pretty much molested me. What a freak. Other then that, nothing too dramatic happened (that I can remember).
As far as the pain. I think the numbness helped. It was like, I was aware that I was upset, but it didn't really affect me in any way. So while it still hurts a little now, I am fairly certain I can deal with it.
That said, I have seen neither Trenton nor Denny yet, so who can say for sure.
But yeah...
When I returned back to my normal self, one of the first things I heard was that Sammii was in hospital, and that he had tried to kill himself.
So I went to visit him. I am technically his husband still, so it's the least I could do right?
It was surprisingly less awkward then I expected it to be, you know, considering how we left things.
I apologised. He also apologised. He even wanted his ring back. Then I maybe got a little frisky with him, and we ended up in our underwear. We would have ended up in less but Ezra chose that time to turn up.
So, I ran as any sane person would when Ezra Hart is pissed at them, and he did chase after me until he was distracted by that whore-bag Parker.
Parker, being himself, started making out with Ezra and getting him to fullfill his freaky fetishes, so I didn't even need to use any effort to escape Ezra.
LATER. Parker came up to me and was all like "I saved your ass!" which he so didn't. I was just fine before he butted into my business. So yeah, I told him he didn't, and he went psycho and started punching me.
What a douchebag!
Whatever though. He can't help that he's so lame. It's probably a birth defect or something.
Oh! And apparently Denny cheated on him.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Nov 8, 2008 5:16:53 GMT -5
Mood: Annoyed. Listening to: Cat Power.
It's decided. I hate Denny. I really really like him, but I hate him even more. Stupid jerk.
I wish Mort would stop throwing me out windows. Or into the lake. That would be quite nice. He's also a jerk though, so I can't see that happening. Damn.
I hate details today. So that is all.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Nov 10, 2008 4:37:46 GMT -5
Mood: Lonely. Listening to: Archie Star.
I must have a death wish or something. That's the only explanation for me taunting Ezra. I know I'm just making him angrier and angrier, but I don't really care.
Maybe I'll care if I see him when Sammii isn't around. Sammii is really the only thing that is keeping him from ripping my throat out or whatever it is he does.
Oh well, I'll deal with that when I have to.
I miss Trenton. </3
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Nov 28, 2008 18:06:26 GMT -5
Mood: Mrowr? Listening to: Nuffin'.
Everyone hates me. And I don't even care. For today. Lololol.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Dec 1, 2008 7:07:30 GMT -5
Mood: Determined. Listening to: Regina Spektor.
I want to cut Sammii's hair. How can I do that though? The only obvious options I can see are to attempt the sleep cut, or to just tie him down. The sleep cut would be hard to do his whole head though. And he probably won't stay still if I tie him down. I need to figure out which one will have a higher chance of success. ... I think I need help. Dunno who from though. Xio is a bitch and stopped him from letting me in the first place. Jay apparently likes his hair. I don't even know who that other chick is that said he should let me. Dai seemed to love the idea of a makeover, but I don't know if she really likes me or not. ... I'll figure it out later.
Peace out.
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Asher Harris
human
ability to phase through objects or people
Posts: 94
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Post by Asher Harris on Dec 9, 2008 6:07:01 GMT -5
Mood: Undecided. Listening to: Nothing.
What a strange night.
I spent some time hanging out with TK and Kasen. TK is still annoying, although for some reason I feel like I am able to put up with her now. I guess I really don't hate her anymore. Although, that said, the last thing we talked about was Trenton, and that seemed to bring up some bitter feelings from her. As for Kasen, he's a jackass. A cute jackass, yes. Still a jackass though. He does anything TK tells him too, which mostly invovles him zapping me. He also tried to make me fly. What a weirdo. He's cute though. Did I already say that?
After they were gone, Parker came waltzing in like he owned the joint (which he totally doesn't). Anywho, much like TK, I found it strangely easy to ignore his annoyingness tonight. Maybe I'm sick. But yeah, he gave me some advice on my plans for Trenton (which pretty much involve me having sex with him on his birthday), and then... some stuff happened. We kissed and ended up in our underwear. No sex though. I'm glad about that. I don't know what I'm supposed to think about him anymore though. Until I figure it out, I'll just have to keep hating on him. That seems to be the easiest thing for me to do.
<333
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