I'm supposed to love you

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Bitter.
Listening to: Scary Kids Scaring Kids

TRENT.

Trent... Trent... Trent...
Fucking asshole. What more is there to say? Nothing really.
What he did is completely low...
And with Kaden of all people?
That just puts the cherry on top. One big, rancid, vomit-inducing cherry.
I won't stress though. That jerk will get his.
I've got my trusty lighter to help me make sure of that.
Will he hate me forever if I set his hair on fire while he sleeps?
I guess it doesn't matter, coz I'm quite certain I'll never forgive him anyway.


IZZY.

Bitch.
BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH!!!!!
!!!!!
!!!!!
!!!!!
She was supposed to be my best friend, and one argument with Trent and she's suddenly attacking me.
And saying I'm too mean. Wtf?! I AM NOT MEAN!
If she thinks that what she has seen is mean, then just wait till I show her what it trully looks like when Asher Harris is being mean.
Bitch.


KADEN.

That boy, he's just slime.
And a whore.
I guess that's why he got with Trent in the first place.
They have a lot in common.
Whatever.
I don't care.
He's a dick and I wouldn't throw him a lifeline if I saw him drowning.
...
I might take a few photos though.
And pin them up above my bed.
<333


♥SAMMII.

What can I say? The boy is a cutie.
Everyone knows that.
I know that my flirting with him was probably brought on by the whole Trent situation.
But so what? Is that so terrible?
Probably yeah.
Maybe I should just quit it...
He is really cute though.
I dunno.
Whatever happens happens, right?

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Anxious.
Listening to: Jack's Mannequin.

I'm so confused. So much has happened the last couple of days, and I just don't know what to think.

Sammii, Trent. Trent, Sammii.

Church, Closet. Closet, Church.

Damnit, my head hurts.

I guess it doesn't really matter what I think anyway.

Trent will probably never speak to me again, and Sammii still loves Ezra - he told me so.

This sucks, I'm going to go to bed or something.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Confused.
Listening to: Chantal Kreviazuk.

I don't know where my head is at anymore.

Trent makes out with Kaden, so I retaliate by marrying Sammii. Then Sammii makes out with Ezra, and I get driven back into Trent's arms.

Maybe this is a good thing. Blake says it's how it's meant to be. Me and Trent, Sammii and Ezra. And I must admit that it did feel good to be messing around with Trent. Still it just doesn't seem right...

How am I supposed to really trust someone again? I have opened myself up to two completely different guys, and they have both looked elsewhere to get their kicks.

All guys are the same.

I ended up saying some really mean things to Sammii. I told him that I only got with him to pay back Trent (which isn't 100% true), and I also told him that he was unlovable (which is 0% true).

I feel like a monster.

Obviously Sammii thinks so too, coz while I was outside with Blake someone (I'm assuming him) threw his wedding ring at me.

He must really hate me.

I'll keep his ring to remind me not to get so emotionally attached to people in future. Afterall, all guys are the same.

Maybe I should reconsider heterosexuality.

I dunno.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Thoughtful.
Listening to: The chattering of my teeth. So coldddd.

I didn't see Sammii or Trent today. It's probably for the best. Every time I see them I end up finding out I'm being cheated on, and then just feel like shit for the rest of the day. My life is becoming way too dramatic for my likings.

I had another argument with Kaden. I don't even know why, but he randomly started messaging me. I guess he just wanted to cause some problems for me. Anywho, we were mostly arguing about the kiss with Trent. He says that Trent initiated the kiss, and I told him I didn't believe him. That was a complete lie though. I totally believe that Trent would have started it. I just didn't want Kaden to feel like he had won.

I wonder if I will get in much trouble for castrating him? I heard that if you wrap a rubber band reeeeal tight around the scrotum, they will fall off after a week or so. I would obviously need to keep him tied up or something this whole time to stop him from removing the rubber band, but where could I keep him hidden?

Maybe that idea won't work. I'll have to think of something easier to execute.

To be honest, I don't even know why I am putting myself through all this crap?. There is a very simple answer to all my problems: Celibacy. That's right. Celibacy. It's perfect. I would no longer need to worry about being trampled all over again. And I would get a lot more time to focus on myself. Everyone can use some more me time.

Then I could just forget about all three of them.

On another note, I haven't spoken to Izzy in a while. Is it time I just forgave her? Yes? No? I have no idea. I'll just let things sort themselves out I guess.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Content.
Listening to: B*Witched.

I've discovered a new way to annoy Kaden Denny. Flirt like crazy. It's kind of really amusing. Naturally I would never flirt with him seriously. Even without my current belief that all guys are the same so I shouldn't waste my time, he is repulsive. No Asher for the Denny.

Still haven't seen Trent or Sammii. Are they avoiding me?

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Irritated.
Listening to: David Bowie.

Fletcher fucked Parker! I don't know when, but it happened. Parker told me so. Damnit, I'm annoyed. I want to smack Fletcher down so hard right now. Parker too.

Is it bad for me to hope they both get aids and die? Probably.

Poor Andrew. He shouldn't have to put up with this crap. Nobody should. Actually, I don't even know if Andrew knows. Perhaps I should investigate a little. Izzy thinks it's none of my business, but I know I would have preferred to have been told about Trent and Denny then to have walked in on them. I don't want that to happen to Andrew.

Oh, Izzy! Me and her are friends again. I think. At the very least, we're not hating on one another every chance we get. I'm glad that something positive has happened in this shitty day.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Strangely satisfied.
Listening to: Some guy I don't know the name of.

Last night I dreamt I kissed Denny. I know it must have been a dream for two reasons. One, it made absolutely no sense. We were just arguing about something completely lame, and then the next second we were kissing. And the second reason is that I enjoyed it. That right there shows that it couldn't have been real. No way would I enjoy kissing that jackass.

Dream Denny was a good kisser though...

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Undecided.
Listening to: The Scene Aesthetic.

I'm starting to think that the "dream kiss" with Denny wasn't actually a dream. I saw him yesterday, and things seemed incredibly awkward. I mean, things are never peachy with us two, but they aren't exactly awkward either. We just like to throw insult after insult at one another. It's what we do.

Is this the end of our zany adventures bickering? Part of me says hell no, and the other part hopes yes. If it comes down to a choice between the bickering and awkwardness, I'd much prefer bickering.

I think Trent and I might be officially back together (does the fact that I'm not 100% positive mean that it actually isn't official?). Things still feel a little off between us though. Maybe he hasn't completely forgiven me yet? Or maybe I haven't completely forgiven him... Who knows?

Still no sign of Sammii. What's up with that?

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Remarkably bland.
Listening to: Secondhand Serenade.

Parker has ovaries. Strange but true. Good luck with the birthing process mate!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Disastrous.
Listening to: Danger Radio.

I am a dirty whore.

No question about it. I feel like I need a long hot shower, but I know it won't help. I've already tried it. x__x

So yeah, I had sex with Denny last night. All I can say about the actual event is that I am glad I had the common sense to use a condom. Who knows what I might have caught otherwise.

I'm just so confused about why I could let myself do that. I somehow managed to delude myself into actually finding him kind of sweet, although how I could ever think that I'm not sure. I know that he is really a horny pig who wants nothing more then to get into everyones pants.

The worst part isn't the fact that I had sex with him, it's the fact that I let myself get so cut up about him being... him. I woke up this morning to see him leaving. And it hurt. I don't know why. I shouldn't care really. I've know all along that he is a complete jerk. I can't believe I cried over him.

...

What am I supposed to say to Trent?

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Grumpy/Tired/Depressed.
Listening to: Our Lady Peace.

I'm so fucking stupid. Why the hell would I tell him? I wasn't planning on it. I was originally just going to pretend it didn't happen, and hope that things would have just continued being good with us. Unfortunately, spending a few hours in the same room as Denny must have put a lot of awkwardness in the air or something, coz the second Trent arrived he could immediately feel it. So, of course I had to blurt out what happened.

He was so upset. Seriously. I don't think he will ever forgive me. Oh gawd, what am I supposed to do? I don't think I can handle it if he never spoke to me again. I mean, I almost think I love him. And if I don't, I know I could if he gave me the chance. I don't think he will though, so I guess I better hope I don't.

All I want to do right now is close my eyes and sleep. They are so heavy, and so sore from all the crying I've been doing. I'm too scared to though. I'm scared I'll dream about Trent. I'm even more scared that I'll dream about Denny. I don't think I can handle any interactions with either of them just now, even if it's only in the dream world. I don't even want to think about them, but I don't think that's possible.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Blahhhhhh.
Listening to: Delta Goodrem.

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

I didn't see Trent at all yesterday. I miss him heaps. Please forgive me! I hate not being with you!

I saw Denny. Awkward much? He was drunk. And naked. And apparently just done having sex with Ezra. Wow, that sure made me feel great! fyi, that was sarcasm.

He told me he just left after the other night coz he was confused. I could almost buy that. You know, if we weren't having this convo with him naked and all sexed up from Ezra.

I'll stick to just thinking he's a whore.

...

Can I really fault him for that though? It's not like I'm any better.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Hung over.
Listening to: Operator Please.

Yeah, so remember how I said I was a dirty whore? I definitely proved that yesterday. I was hanging out at the Secret for once (I'm not exactly sure why), and I guess that place must have a bad effect on me or something...

I was meant to be hanging out with Xio there, but I kinda got distracted quite quickly by Ezra. I think that maybe I'm supposed to feel a bit guilty about doing stuff with him, but I don't. If Trent doesn't want to be with me, then I'm not going to just sit around whining about it. I have every right to fool around!

But yeah, back to Ezra. I'm not going to lie, I've always wondered why it is that everyone sleeps with him. Like, he seems to be able to get everyone he wants! After sleeping with him, I completely understand why they do it. He is great in bed. I don't usually enjoy bottoming, but he certainly made it an enjoyable experience.

Better yet, there was no resentment when it was over. It was like, we did our business, then we went our seperate ways. There was no crying over feeling used like with Denny. I went into it knowing that it was just meaningless sex. And that sure as hell made it much more enjoyable.

I think I'll have to have meaningless sex more often.

Afterwards, I kinda got really drunk and maybe got with Daryl as well. I feel bad about that, coz before we got drunk he told me that he had just made up with his boyfriend. Hopefully he'll have the sense to not say anything, coz I've realised the truth only ruins relationships.

Anywho, once we were drunk, more sex followed. This sex was nowhere near as enjoyable as with Ezra. It was over almost as soon as began, and it was really sloppy. I don't know whether I'd be interested in doing anything like that with him again... Well at least not while we're drunk.

He is a good kisser though.

Denny was an even bigger jackass then ever tonight. He was making out with me just fine, then Evan arrived and he starts pushing me away and making out that he doesn't want it. What a jerk.

He punched me later on too. Gawd, is he in love with Evan or something? It was only a little kiss.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: Bored.
Listening to: Paris Hilton.

Daryl doesn't even remember our drunken romp. He doesn't remember much of anything really. He got super worried about this coz apparently if Jay finds out he got so drunk she is going to chase him out of the school. Or maybe she was going to leave? I dunno, I didn't really pay that much attention to what he was saying.

Anywho, point is, he decided he needed to pretend he had been mugged. Smart idea? Not really. Especially seen as he enlisted the help of Ezra to get the job done. All I can really say is that it not only helped screw up his memory, but it also made him look like shit.

Ross is lame. I kinda hope he finds out what Daryl and I did.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Asher Harris]

Mood: A little bit of this. A little bit of that.
Listening to: Incubus.

Sometimes I wish I could hate him. That would make life so much easier. Instead of easy though, I'm left with this devastated feeling every time I see him. And it really doesn't help that he has been crying so much lately. What happened to the strong, confident Trent that I used to know and love? Oh my, did I just say love? I probably meant like. Let's hope I meant like...

Anwho...

This recent slut-mode that I've had turned on really hasn't been doing much for me. It hasn't numbed the ache at all like I hoped it would. Maybe I should just quit it? Or maybe I need to up my dosage? I dunno, I'll figure it out later.

Where the hell is Sammii?! At first I thought he was just avoiding me, but this is ridiculous. It's been weeks! I'm starting to get worried. I miss him.

I got to be mean to Denny the other day by telling him Evan will never love him, and he will be alone forever. Haha. I hope I hurt his feelings. It's at least safe to say that he was angry with me, as he used his awesome lame-ass powers to throw rocks at me. Damn that boy is amazing annoying.

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