When I Grow Up (Xio)

[Xio Beckett]

She was trying ignore Mel but she was making it hard and soon afterwards, she dissapered into her closet and Xio was curios what she would she come out with. And trust me, it was so much worse that she could have imagined. She almost threw up with Brittney Spears started singing screeching and that was it. This was really starting to piss Xio off. She was either going to do one of two things. She was going to get down and go grab Mel by the hair and slam her into a wall. Actually, just grabbing her arm would be fine. Hold on to her for a good minute….and bingo! Mel would have a date with the hospital for at least week. She would plead self defense.

Okay, maybe not. But did she get up, smile sweetly at Mel and climb up that bunk before the girl had a chance to stop her and picked up that pretty little speaker and let it drop over the edge of the bed. It crashed loud enough that Xio knew it wasn‘t broken beyond repair but it would definitely need to be looked at and tampered with. “Oops,” Xio placed a hand over her mouth and blinked her eyes before getting back down. “You might want to get your speaker fixed. I think Brittney killed it.”


[[oooh. Has Xio gone too far? Muahaha lol ]]

[Melody (Juliet) Rose]

Melody rolled her eyes and said "Very possibly." She said coldly. Suddenly a large gust banged open the windows and tripped Xio over. Melody smirked and said "Oops. The scremo's must've hurt your balance." She said with a satisfied glare. Another large gust came and scrambled Xio's speaker across the floor, banging into a wall and a large dent cut into it, the c.d falling out and spinning across the floor. The dent was nothing, just a small bump in the speaker as Melody shrugged and said "Tough luck." Coldly. Loving being half witch right now.

[Xio Beckett]

Suddenly, the ground was flying out from under her feet and Xio hit the carpet with a dull thud. She glared up at Mel from her spot on the ground and had to fight the urge to get up and start a real fight when her own speaker was knocked to the ground and her CD came spilling out. It made her blood boil. Sure, she had done it first but she was going to stick with her defense. If Mel hadn’t woken her up so rudely, then all of this could be avoided. Seriously. “Bitch,” Xio jumped up from her spot on the ground, ready to beat someone. She really had a problem with cussing, but oh well. And more importantly, she needed to calm down but this girl needed to back off just as much. Xio crossed the room, glad her gloves were on. Without them touching Mel wouldn’t have been possible. Or maybe it was better if they were off. Either way, she wasn’t going to explain that to Mel. She would rather watch her freak out and think that Xio was going to suck the life out of her. It was funnier that way. Teeth clenched, Xio pushed her roommate. Only hard enough to make her stumble--she didn’t feel like getting kicked out.

[Melody (Juliet) Rose]

Mel rolled her eyes as Xio cursed at her. Like that was going to seriously hurt her. She watched the girl pace and could really care less. Like anything she would do could be worse then something that had happened to her before. She'd been deaths and even abuse herself. And this little girl thought she was going to hurt her? This place was even more fucking fucked up then Melody guessed. She watched Xio stalk back and shove her. Melody couldn't help but nearly laugh, if it wasn't for the small pearls rolling on the floor under her feet, she turned and saw that she had bumped her mothers old pearl necklace. Mel's eyes flashed near red, the haze falling in front of her as she raised her hand, nearly ready to send Xio into a flaming fireball of death, she didn't care if she was kicked out right now. Her one memory of her mother was broken now because of Xio fucking pushing her. Instead she pointed her finger a few inches away from Xio's hair. The flame flickering out in the wind as Melody said in a pissed off tone "What the fuck is your problem with me? Yea I wake up fucking early. If it's so horrible then buy some friggen' ear plugs. You seriously are fucking thinking that im going to change my friggen life to circle around your stupid needs?" Melody was pissed off right now. "Or get a fricken dorm change!" She nearly yelled the last part.

[Xio Beckett]

Xio wasn’t fully satisfied until she saw Mel’s eyes flash. Haha, now she was getting to her. Something about her damn pearls. Again with materialism. She could care less what they meant, because right now she was beyond pissed and it was only going to get better if someone else entered the picture and stopped her. Flameball or not, Xio wasn’t that scared. I mean, of course, it made her a bit uneasy that this girl was going to try and set her on fire, she wasn’t invincible, but at the moment she could handle being set on as long this girl knew she wasn’t going down without a fight. Hey, she could take off her gloves too. In fact, that’s what she did, and now they were even and her danger meter was way higher. She pondered it, but she wasn’t stupid.

“My problem,” Xio spat, “Is that my roommate is fucking insolent and doesn’t realize that the whole fucking world does not revolve around her or the material shit she worships! I don’t HAVE to wake up early. By all fucking means, do it if you like, but learn to have some manners and not wake me up!” Her eyes blazed now, and she took a step forward to get in Mel’s face. “I would love a dorm change, but last time I checked they didn’t make changes because of people’s assholishness. Do I wake you up in the morning? No. Do I get pissed off when your friends come over? Huh?” Xio was burning, and she wasn’t going to let this go. Who the hell made her queen? “You are the one who decided to be a douche to me. I’m just paying you back.”

[Melody (Juliet) Rose]

Melody growled and spat at her face "The friggen stuff actually means something to me because unlike your fucking ass I actually have a fricken past that I don't fucking push away. And you don't fricken wake me up in the morning because you sleep until your fricken lazy ass feels like it and decide to slug your way towards your fucking life because you're afraid to fucking get close to anyone. I don't even have fricken friends here because everyone here apparently doesn't give a damn what anyone else does. I never have anyone over and if I ever did I'd actually ask you thank you. You have no idea who the fuck you're talking about so just shut the hell up and i'll do the fucking same. I'll be happy to buy you some damn earplugs so that your 'sensitive' friggen sleeping patterns aren't harmed. And you think I tried to wake you the hell up? I'm loud. I don't realize it. It's not like I walked over and blasted a friggen firecracker in your fucking ear!!"

Melody saw the girl take off her gloves and could really care less, hah. Let the bitch take her fucking memories. Maybe then she'd see why Melody obsessed over things. Because unlike her, she actually didn't live her life in a dark shadow. Let Xio make her pass out or die. If she passed out, it's not like she'd be ultimately altered and would never stand to look at herself in the mirror again like the girl in front of her. ANd if she died, she'd probably be even friggen happier.

[Xio Beckett]

“Ha! You might at well have!” Xio waited until she was finished with her stupid rant because striking back. “Maybe my space and life alone means less that your stupid pearls, but its all I have so I would appreciate you not making it more difficult than it already is. I wake up when I please, yes. And I don’t harm you by doing so, thanks. And as far as I’m concerned, how many friends I have, or who I am and am not afraid to get close to is my business. Have you whoever you fucking please, over. I don’t own you. You don’t know anything about me! You don’t have to worry about going around and accidentally killing anyone.” Xio felt the tears threaten to fall from her dark eyes. She didn’t choose to not have any friends. The fact that she had one really good one was amazing in itself. She had no right to try and direct her life and point out her mistakes. She knew she was afraid to get close to people. It wasn’t easy when everyone rejected her. Xio narrowed her eyes. “Maybe if you stopped to once or twice to think about someone beside’s yourself you would realize that YES! You are loud! And that’s somewhat annoying! How I spend my time has nothing to do with you because hey, it doesn’t affect you. So why don’t you stop being a little spoiled bitch and think about someone else for a change?”

She was this close to just letting her have the entire freaking room and just leaving. She didn’t need this. She didn’t need someone acting like a drill sargent waking her up at the crack of dawn. Who cares of she woke up at 9 instead of five? Who cares if she was too scared to make real friends and have a life? That was her choice and no one else’s and if she couldn’t deal with Xio lifestyle and then she walk her ass right out the door.

[Melody (Juliet) Rose]

"THEY WERE MY DAMN DEAD MOTHERS PEARLS!"

Melody felt the extremely loud words leave her mouth and immediately felt like crying but kept it back. "You seriously think I'd obsess over plain pearls?" She asked cocking her eyebrow. She sighed to herself as she saw the girls eyes tearing. She shut up with her insults and said simply. "Well. I'm a bit self-obsessed. I don't constantly need to be reminded. I admit it. Happy? And I don't constantly wake up at dawn. Sometimes it's 8-ish. I just have to lay off the soda. And you are NOT going to kill anyone." Melody didn't say this last part in a 'stupid ass' accusing voice or 'You couldn't' tone. More of a 'Just Be careful' "And I stopped caring about others once I realized none of them like me. So why the fuck should I care whether or not i annoy the fuck out of them? What do I have to lose?!? My fucking mom is dead, my little sister died to a fucking disease and my dad didn't even fucking bury her. My older brother and younger sister don't contact me anymore. And my dad is a fucking bastard. So maybe you should let down your damn guard. It's not like anyone except possibly me hates you. And I do think about others. I just don't realize that I'm loud. It's not the end of the world if you wake up early one day because I couldn't sleep!"

Melody sighed and was done with this. She didn't want to fight anymore. She now felt horrible and bitchy because Xio was nearly crying. She started to grab her bag offthe table and searched for her shoes.

[Xio Beckett]

"THEY WERE MY DAMN DEAD MOTHERS PEARLS!"

The words made Xio close her mouth and swallow hard. Okay, now she felt bad. But, she wasn’t going to less her use that as excuse. She understood losing someone, it happened to everyone eventually and for that she would apologize, but not for anything else. “I’m sorry,” she forced the words out but she did mean them. Her words were a bit softer now, but still held a serious tone. “I‘ll help you fix it.” She would. Xio doesn't lie. She‘d pay for it if she had to.

“Its not sometimes,” She told her. “Its a lot.” Xio wouldn’t get pissed off at being woken up every once in a while. This was everyday, though. She just got tired of it. “I know I’m being bitchy --I’m sorry, but it’s the principality. You could at least apologize every once in while. I don’t like waking up with even more hours to spare. That only reminds me that I’ll be wasting them, too.” She pushed her hair out of her face and looked away. “I realize Ivan comes over a lot,“ She was barely audible now. “But He‘s the only friend I have. You, I‘m sure you have someone. At least you‘re pretty enough that people want to be around you. You can hug people and touch them. You can be with someone one day. I don‘t need you reminding me that I’ll never be able to do that, all the time.” She sighed and her glare softened too.

It wasn‘t as easy as Mel thought. The letting people in deal. “I’ve already put two people in danger.” She said softly. “They might never wake up. I DO hurt people.” she wasn’t trying to make excuses, this was just how she saw it. “You don’t have to worry about letting your guard down.” The pain was thick in her voice. “People do like you. A lot of them. And even if they did like me, I am not like you. You aren’t a walking hazard.” It was true, things were bad for Mel. But they were just as bad for Xio. Equally different. Both sides, the other couldn’t understand as well they should. “I’m sorry you lost your mother and you sister.” Xio tugged at a piece of her hair; a nervous habit she had then smiled bitterly. “At least they loved you. I would rather my family died and love me. I know that sounds horrible but its better than them hating you. Treating you like you’re the dirt they wouldn’t walk on. Its better than the person who loves you the most treating you like you don’t exist.” She felt horrible that she had broken Mel’s pearls. And she was hurting even more because she was right. She had no life. She had no friends. She would never let anyone in because she couldn’t. She was too much of a coward. At least she managed to hold the tears back.

“Sorry I can’t be more like you. I happen to be defective.” With those last words she snatched her bass guitar from its stand and made her way to her living room.

[Melody (Juliet) Rose]

[shadow=red,left,300]“I’m sorry,”
Melody stopped and turned. She said softly before Xio continued "It's not your fault.." And listened to her. She sighed as she suddenly felt horrible. Her face saddening as she listened. Feeling horrible about her words earlier. She watched as Xio walked off and she slumped down and sat on the carpet. She looked around at how messy her room was and she sighed. Standing up and cleaning up her clothes. Putting the dirty ones into different baskets and the others neatly in her closet and she organized her shoes at the bottom. She made her bed neatly and cleaned up her stereo. Throwing out the broken speaker and cleaning up the one she had sent across the room. putting the cd in a safe case and making sure that there were no scratches. She looked over the neat room now and sighed. She grabbed the Britney Spears c.d and broke it. Putting it into the trash and sighed. "I always hated you Britney" she said to the broken picture of a half naked Britney on the c.d cover. She looked around and sighed. Grabbing her phone and lowering the ringtone. She picked up the pearls and put them into a safe plastic bag. She put away her letters for once out of view in a drawer and suddenly felt bad, she creaked open the drawer so that Annie's words could see the light. She turned off her alarm clock and sighed. Still feeling shitty as she sat on her bed and running her hands through her hair.She needed music, yes. She walked over to her stereo and turned it on low, finally deciding to fish out some headphones and plugging them in, now able to blast it without annoying anyone. But instead of blasting pop she played soemthing she figured Xio would like better then pop, but not exactly not metal or whatever the screams could be categorized as. She hummed to the piano filled music. Thinking of how to fix the stupid mess she'd gotten herself stuck in. She suddenly jumped up and walked after Xio. Putting her earphones on the stereo. She sighed and sat next to her. Not caring if she was killed or whatever Xio claimed she was afraid of. "I'm sorry." She said simply. Sighing, she rarely did this. "I know i'm really bitchy, I was just raised really strangely and apparently sometimes I feel like the human race should pay for it. It's a really stupid way of thinking, but I guess it's what I thought all through middle school and such. And i'm sure you didn't mean for me to break anything or stuff like that. And i'm really sorry that I woke you up, I'm just still getting used to living with people..in the same room. And I hate admitting I did something wrong. And I know I obsess over things but I think it's just cause I miss them once they're gone. I know I over obsess over Ivan coming over and stuff, I guess I just get a little.." She gulped before saying "Jealous. Because, just because I'm like, extremely hyper people don't like me for the same reasons you hate me. And i'm sure your family didn't hate you. And if they did, then they were pretty stupid. And you're pretty too!! How else would Ivan had met you? Trust me. You're lucky to have a guy friend who doesn't droll over you all the time." She stopepd to take a breath, she was rambling again. ugh. "Anyways, i'm sorry.." She said quietly. She stood up slowly. And sighed. Still feeling rotten. She sat back down and sighed. Giving Xio a quick hug, it was somewhat hard since she held her guitar, but Mel managed. It was only for a moment, as Melody didn't know really how powerful it could be. But enough that Xio knew that she was actually hugging her. Melody stood back up feeling very dizzy but she didn't care. She felt somewhat better as she walked back towards their room. Sniffing slightly.[/shadow]

[Xio Beckett]

Now what? Xio felt like she still was in the fault and she already apologized. There wasn’t much more than she could do. She was sitting there on that worn couch wondering what the hell had just happened because for a moment it seemed like they didn’t hate each other. She strummed a few chord on her bass, bare audible because it wasn’t plug in. Ugh. She was never going to figure those stupid notes. Yeah, she knew them, but she always messed up on that part. She strummed it again, her mind nowhere close to focusing on the song. She supposed ear plugs wouldn’t be so bad. And she could learn to wake up early and go do…something. She didn’t know what, but with all the extra ours she would have, she would figure it out. And she would have to learn to not be so OCD about things and just Melody do whatever she wanted with her stuff, even if it what strewn halfway across the room. Yeah, she would have to learn a lot of things of she didn’t like. And she would need to fix her necklace. Crap, how much money do I have on me…She would go look later and find out. She wasn’t filthy rich but the one thing her oh so lovely parents had left was enough money for them to say ‘Don’t call us, you have plenty of money.’ All the words Melody had said to her and vice versa were scrambling around in her like a torrent waiting to burst through her eyes. She had being open and that had been bad. She had told her way more than she had ever planned to and way more that she ever wanted Mel to know. Now she felt like an open book. Like all of her insecurities were written across her face in permanent marker. All of flaw were glowing, shouting ‘Look at me!’ She wanted to text Ivan or call him or something and have him come over and hug her and tell her to stop crying and she knew the majority of that didn’t have a chance. One, it was still really early. She imagined it was about 6:30 or so and two, he would probably tell her to stop being an overdramatic, softy or something and to stop crying. And three. She would never, ever, be able to hug him. Not even if she wanted to. Okay, so maybe she could ‘hug’ him. Since he was a demon and all, and if she had on a long sleeved shirt but she would never truly be able to hug anyone without feeling like she was going to hurt them, which there was a still a big chance of. Nothing was certain when it came to her powers. She would trade anything in the world to be human, normal without any powers at all.

She didn’t really notice Melody until she spoke. Her voice ripped her away from her thoughts and brought her back to reality. She wondered what she had come back for. Perhaps to tell her to fix her necklace? Or did she feel as bad as Xio?

Xio’s dark eyes were guarded but she tried her to best to make the tension in the air less uncomfortable and turned in her seat to face Mel, trying to show her that she was at least listening. She didn’t know what to make of Mel had just said to her. All of it was pretty open, and others being open made Xio a bit uncomfortable, too. Like she might react the wrong way. She was trying to understand, though. That counted for something, right? Xio bit her top lip and sat quietly. She held her guitar protectively against her chest as if it was the only that might save her from messing up again.

“you’re no--” She paused and spoke slowly, trying to choose her words carefully. “I can be a bitch, too. Sorry.” The words felt weird to her. She didn’t like admitting she wrong. “I…tend to be a bit OCD and that gets in the way of things. Everything in my life just kinda shifted all at once and I guess, in a way, I feel like the world should pay for it too. That, or that it should just leave me alone. I’ve gotten so used to hating people that I tend to not always given others chances and I’ve gotten so used to people rejecting me that I don’t like to be around them.” She laughed, but it wasn’t happy. It was somewhere between bitter and flat. “I’m sorry you lost your mom and you sister. I think, in a way, I lost mine too and I know that small things like memories and gifts and things that you shared with them can mean a lot, because sometimes it’s the only you have that’s really the same.” She looked down at the strings of her instrument. “I don’t have anything that belong to my mom. I mean, I have some memories…but yeah, they seem kinda fake after everything that has happened.” She faded into silence as Mel went on and she listed quietly. Jealous? Of her? No one had ever been jealous of Xio in their life. It was strange to hear someone say that to her. She had to fight the urge just to turn around and look behind her and make sure Mel wasn’t talking to someone else. “Me?” Xio raised a surprised eyebrow. Why? How? She looked away, the pink crawling up her neck. “Yeah. He’s pretty amazing…” She mumbled, when Mel told her she was pretty. No one had ever told her that either. Not even other girls. Not that she was into girls or anything, but yeah. Still. It was a foreign concept to her. “Thanks,” she mumbled once more, still not sure what was going on. All of this was so sudden and unexpected. She almost couldn’t think straight. She was no near moving out of the way to stop Mel before she hug her and her guitar. The motion made Xio want to lean away but before she could, Mel had already let go. Her eyes were large and alarmed. It was a good thing had let go. Thoughts and memories, faded and blurry bombarded her mind. She could see so many things, and they all belong to Melody. Memories of a woman she didn’t know, most like Mel’s mother and a girl she assumed was Mel’s sister and everything Melody had felt when she had lost them to every she had felt just then, all in a split second. All making her shiver as most of it faded away, except for the few images that stayed with her. She had to fight that urge again, to cry but she refused to say anything. To let Mel know what she had seen because she hadn’t looked on purpose and part of her didn’t know if she wanted to know these things.

“Me too,” She croaked out. “I’m sorry.” She immediately looked away and pretend to be more interested in her guitar. She couldn’t handled all of this. There was a small part of her that felt remotely better. And a small part that still didn’t know what to feel. Her emotions had gone haywire a long time ago.

[Melody (Juliet) Rose]

[shadow=red,left,300]Melody sighed as she got into her room. She realized now that Xio knew more about her then she had ever told anyone. She groaned. It didn't matter anymore. She didn't care if Xio hated her and thought she was horrible and was a face eating monster, she had a bit of sympathy towards her. She opened her door and said "And don't worry about the necklace. I thought it was ugly anyways. Now I might be able to make one with soemthing bright.." She shrugged and closed her door. ugh, she hated this. Being scared to open her own door for fear of breaking into tears. She didn't see what it mattered now. Xio probably hated her or something for hugging her no matter how much Xio protested about it. She sighed and slid down on the floor. Sneezing softly. Rubbing her nose she got up and walked inside the room to her closet. Planning to rummage through her clothes so she could forget about everything. She grabbed her old I-Pod and blasted songs from her depressed stage. Losing herself in walking through her large amounts of clothes. Maybe some more down-to-earth clothing was in need. She had to shop for a dress for the largely gossiped dance thingy anyways. She wondered If Xio ever shopped. Suddenly it hit her. What if she never had? Poor girl. Shopping was the one thing Melody could NEVER live without, that and shoes. She sighed and emerged into the light. Looking around the room. Realizing it was stuffy she opened the door and breathed the fresh air. In a slightly better mood, as her clothes often made her. [/shadow]

[Xio Beckett]

"And don't worry about the necklace. I thought it was ugly anyways. Now I might be able to make one with soemthing bright.."

Why didn’t that make her feel better? She still felt exposed. Naked. She didn’t like it one bit. She was afraid to go back into her own room and that was never good. She couldn’t make herself stand and really didn’t feel like playing so she sat there, practically glued to the couch in silence. This was all backwards. She was supposed to feel a sigh of relief, then she would stand, tiptoe into their room and meekly suggest to hang out with the girl but she couldn’t do any of that. She was much to scared because in the long run, she was still anti social and she didn’t like having to depend on others, she didn’t like having to owe people, she didn’t like people owing her, they might let her down…Ugh, all of this was so confusing! This was why she stayed away! Because she over analyzed everything. She couldn’t go a day, couldn’t do a thing, couldn’t say a word without making a big deal about it in her head. It drove her insane and she couldn’t make herself stop. Her hands came up to tug at her dark hair again and pulled. She always did that. When she got nervous or frustrated. She pulled her hair. Not like, deathly hard or anything. She just pulled. She didn’t know why. But hey, it was better than doing the other thing she did a lot. Cutting. That was even worse and she was trying to stop, but it was times like this that made it hard.

Xio sucked in a breath and forced her legs to stand. She needed to breakfast or something in her stomach. She was starting to feel sick.

[Melody (Juliet) Rose]

[shadow=red,left,300]Melody stared at herself in her mirror. Attempting to lighten herself up, but it couldn't be done. She sighed and sat down on the shag carpet. Grabbing a nearby magazine filled with dresses as she flipped through. Cooing at the colors. Her pink earphones still plunging into her earlobes. She smiled as one of her old fave songs started to play and on instinct Mel sang softly while looking through the magazine 'I hate to say it but they play this dance song in every club But it's me so I'll show love But it's me so show me love When I walk into the room people stop and stare It's like nobody else is there You know it's me not you Who said anything about you Boys and girls pretend to know me, they try so hard And I get what I want, my name is my credit card Don't try to hate me because I am so popular..' Her voice stopping as she saw an awesome dress on the and sat up, looking over the fabric she smiled. 'It's perfect' she thought. A moment of happiness covering her until she sunk back into her bad mood. 'How can I be happy right now?' she thought. She wanted to give herself a burn on the leg right now. She was such an idiot. She sighed and stood up. Looking around the now sparkling clean room she decided to do laundry. She grabbed on of the 3 baskets and walked out the door. Her silver I-pod on the top of the mound of black and bright colors. She left the door open, her spotless closet shining in the corner of the room. Organized perfectly with the room surrounding it's gloriness also perfect. Mel sighed and kept herself from glancing at Xio. Walking out the door to dump the laundry off, all of it would probably take her two minutes. [/shadow]

[Xio Beckett]

Once again, she changed her mind and sat back down. There was no point in getting breakfast because she hate sitting alone in the cafeteria. So she was going to sit there and figure out this damn song because if she didn’t, it would bother her. Oh, wait she needed her ipod…Xio carefully put down her bass and trudged into her room, careful to not look in Mel’s direction and grabbed her black ipod from its spot on her bed. She would need it if she was going to try and figure this out by ear. Whenever she figured out a song she always felt really accomplished and special so hopefully it would help this time. Once she was back in the living room she could breathe again. With a small surge or happiness and even more determination she took a seat and nestled the earphones in her ears and scrolled straight to Paramore’s “Pressure” It was a good song. Explained a lot to the way she felt most of the time. Now if she could just play the entire thing…

“Nuh, nuhnuhnuhnuh nuh, nuh nuhnuhnuhnuhnuh…” She hummed the beginning of the song, waiting for the guitar intro to pass and her turn to come up. She could do this part. It was the chorus that she always messed up on. If anything made her happy it was playing her guitar. It was knowing she could put her hands all over her instrument and not a single thing would happen to it and she couldn’t possibly hurt it. That was the greatest feeling in the world. Feeling normal.