Its Hard To Say 'I Do' When I Don't[Evan]

[Evan Warner]

Involuntarily, he flinched at her suddenly over defensive tone. Again, he honestly hadn’t meant to do it, but it was reflex. Action and reaction. But he didn’t answer her. What would his answer have been? ‘Oh, nothing. I’m just fascinated with your reactions.’ Mhmm. That would have been wonderful.

As she slowly took an almost reluctant step forward, he almost wanted to make her stop, to ensure she’d stay. He didn’t know why he wanted her to stay, either. But all that matters is that he did. Thankfully, he didn’t have to show his want for her company, because she stopped on her own.

Evan’s brow wrinkled in slight confusion when she stepped back in front of him. What was she playing at? What was going on in general? That’s the question he should be asking himself.

”Why does it matter?

This question bounced around in his mind for a moment. In response, he just looked down at his shoes and shrugged. He couldn’t look anywhere else. He couldn’t meet her curious eyes. He couldn’t look past her. So he looked down. His bottom lip disappeared between his teeth, gently gnawing.

He couldn’t even form a real, verbal answer. Quickly, he tossed his brain, searching almost desperately for a response. “Uhm…,” he hummed softly, followed by another shrug. “I don’t know.” It was the best he could come up with.

“So,” he said, thinking up an excuse as he went. “That way I’ll know who has insulted me the most out of anyone.” He crossed his arms over his chest in an almost childish way. Not defensive. Not rudely. But almost hurt, if anything. But why was he hurt? If he really was.

[/blockquote]

[Xio Beckett]

I've got that lefty curse, where everything I do is flipped and awkwardly reversed

Now she felt bad. “Sorry,” she sighed when he actually flinched. Since when was she scary? “But seriously, why do you keep staring at me like you know something?” He was making her feel so self-conscious--more than she already was and that was bad enough. Or do you WANT to know something? she corrected herself mentally. Ha. Please. Like that would happen.She stopped her internal battle enough to look up. He hadn’t said a word and he was still doing it so she figured she should just let it go. Fine. Stare all you freakin want. She refused to let this bother her.

What was it about this boy that made her so freaking indecisive? Take one step forward, take two more back. She needed to effin pick where she was going before she became a human pulley. She didn’t understand any of this. Why was so eager to stay here and talk him? He was just another guy, probably raging on hormones, bored out of his mind. The part that bothered her the most was that she kept wondering the same thing over and over: Did he want her to stay? Did she want him to want her to stay? Where the hell was this game going?

Xio had never seen someone look away from her the way he did then. Like he was almost shy or lost for an answer or something. As if she had said something to make him momentarily lost for words. It was a simple question, she hadn’t meant too much by it. Or had she? Was she secretly hoping for more than a simple answer?

Her dark eyes once again traveled over his features. She really needed to stop doing that. But how could she? He was so…adorable standing there, biting his lip like that? Wait? Her eyebrows creased and she was glad he wasn’t looking at her. Had she really just thought of him as adorable? Oh, jeez. She looked up to the ceiling and back down to him. Stop it, stop it, stop it, She commanded herself. Do not think that way! He’s like ten!

“Uhm…, I don’t know.”

You don’t know? She blinked in confusion and stared at the boy. “You don’t know?” she repeated out loud.

“Ah, I see,” Xio nodded along with him, her arms coming back up to cross over her chest just like him. “Well, I doubt you need my personal information for that," Her voice became more and more bitter with each word. "Just tell everyone it was the weird girl who’s a walking death trap. They’ll catch on mighty quick.” She could almost see something in his eyes. Was that pain? Had she hurt his feelings? Nah, it was probably a reflection or something. She waited, almost hoping he would go back to insulting her.

[[please do not smite me for being so...dorky and writing so much! -bows down-]]

[Evan Warner]

He shrugged to her apology. He didn’t know why she was apologizing, exactly, but he knew she shouldn’t. “Don’t be,” he muttered quietly, nearly inaudibly. However, to the other half of her statement-turned-question, he didn’t answer. He simply ignored it. The reason to justify this lack of answer is simply this: He doesn’t know. Sure, it’s a weak statement, but it’s all he has. It’s the only thing in his mind that DOES make sense. Everything else is a jumble of reality, fiction and everything in between.

He stared down at his feet, shifting awkwardly. For a moment, he swore he felt her eyes on him. But that was impossible, he concluded. If anything, she was trying to glare a hole right into his head. He inwardly sighed, finally lifting his head a tad, his brown eyes peeking through his brunette fringe.

"Just tell everyone it was the weird girl who’s a walking death trap. They’ll catch on mighty quick.”

Evan lifted his head completely, confusion knitting his eyebrows together and showing in his eyes. “What do you mean, exactly?” he asked, wrinkling his nose for a brief second. Obviously, they wouldn’t catch on that quickly if he didn’t even know what she meant. A frown made its way back on his face as he uncrossed his arms. What could she possibly mean by that?

[[just as long as you don’t hate me for taking forever and not doing a whole lot!!! >_<]]

[/blockquote]

[Xio Beckett]

You can't escape now, I've got you locked inside this room\

She couldn’t find the right the thing to say back anymore. Everything seemed to have a double meaning. Everything seemed to backfire, then crash and burn in her mind. Either she could keep coming up with stupid ways to insult and hate him or she could try and make this a bit easier for him. He was trying to hard and she was shooting every chance he gave right back at him. The thought of someone just wanting to talk to her for no reason just seemed so ridiculous in her mind.

“I mean, there’s a reason I am the way I am, Evan.” The words were still harsh but they softened towards the end until she almost whispered his name. Was he going to act stupid and leave when she told him she could kill him by placing a hand on him?

“My powers aren’t like yours, they aren’t a gift.” She pondered saying anything else. Maybe it was best if she just stopped there. But then, who cared? If he wanted to be an idiot about it, he could, at least she was giving reason to the way she was acting. “I’m abalient. And I know that sounds meaningless, but I’m not allowed to touch people. When I do, I hurt them. Sometimes they die. You think I was always this anti-social?” She smiled, even though she wasn’t happy. It was a bittersweet smile. “No one wants to be around the freak that sucks the life out of you.”

[never that! =] I posted all short so that it would be easier for you to reply since I'm sure you're doing other stuff too.]

[Evan Warner]

He watched her. He listened to every word she said, holding onto them tight. He held onto her syllables as if it were everything left in the world. When she said that his powers were a gift, he almost wanted to correct her. He didn’t see them as a gift. No, they weren’t awful or dangerous. They were just… odd. But her powers, he learned, are tragic. A life without physical contact. No hugs. Nothing. His frown deepened as she continued, finishing with a smile that was anything but happy.

Despite the fact that she wanted to practically tear his head off, he just wanted to pull her into a hug. Anyone unhappy needed a kind gesture, especially her. No, the only reason why he didn’t hug her wasn’t because of her power. No, it was because if he did, she would kill him. She would try to, anyways. “Why can’t you be social, anyways,” he suggested carefully, his eyes avoiding hers, “Despite your power?” As he finished, he looked back at her, eye brows raised in almost hope.

He stared at her for a few moments before giving her a small smile. “You know,” he said quietly, hoping to lighten the mood, “I bet a ton of people would be friends with you. If you let them in, that is.” His smile grew a little wider. Building the happiness up from nothing. “I mean, don't insult them right away, you know? You don’t have to be anti-social and untouchable, so to say. Verbal friendships are better, anyways.” He finalized his statement with a smile, hoping that she really wouldn’t tear his face off for speaking light-heartedly. He couldn’t help it. It was his normal way of life.

[[[gaaaah! I love you so much right now! thank you! >_<]]]

[/blockquote]

[Xio Beckett]

Open up your eyes, I wanna see you cry

She could tell that what she was saying was not what he had expected. Had he been waiting for her to give him some sob story about crappy powers? Hell, if the only Xio could instead kill people was to sprout flowers from her fingertips, she would be set. She didn’t care if it was the stupidest or most common gift on the planet, she could live with it. She wouldn’t one bit being invisible…or telepathic…or normal. Having no powers would be okay too. Then maybe her family wouldn’t hate her.

For the first time in their conversation she actually wanted to meet his gaze and see what was reflected there and now he wouldn’t look at her. That hurt just a little bit. She wasn’t going to yell at him, despite the look he had on his face. It wasn’t that she enjoyed being this way. She was just scared. What if she slipped up? What if she hurt someone?

“I try to be,” She said, with a small smile. “Okay, so I could try harder.” She rolled her eyes, “But it scares me. Even some of the kids here act like I’m going to try and hurt them before they know me. “ It was true, she wouldn’t make that up. She hadn’t chosen these powers. Why did people have to treat her like the villain? She liked that look he had. It was somewhat hopeful. Like he actually wanted her to try. Why though?

She had to smile back even if she wasn’t really happy. It wasn’t a fake smile, she was just smiling for a different reason. Because he was so optimistic that it was funny to her. She had been optimistic once, too. “Maybe you have a point,” she shrugged. “But so far I’ve only met one person who want to be let in, for some odd, crazy, reason,” she teased, looking up at him.

[[Yay! I'm just having fun!]]

[Evan Warner]

Evan’s smile broke into a grin. For the first time in the past fourteen or so minutes, they didn’t want to both kill each other. Well, for her, he wasn’t sure. But he sure as hell wasn’t annoyed, confused or hurt. He was fine. He looked at her, watching her roll her eyes. To this, he shrugged. “If they want to be pricks about it,” he said confidently, “Let them.” He waved a hand dismissively for emphasis.

Then she smiled. And, if he wasn’t mistaken, it was nearly genuine. This small fact, all within itself, made him smile bigger. Smugly, albeit fake, he raised himself up, although trying to make himself seem taller. He knew he had a point and, since she admitted it, he might as well show it.

“But so far I’ve only met one person who want to be let in, for some odd, crazy, reason.

Then there it was. That cheesy, lopsided smile he had. He quickly doused it under a thoughtful look, bringing a finger to tap his chin. “Hmmmm,” he hummed in fake thought. “I don’t know who they are,” he said, the grin returning. “But I think you should let them. You never know. They might surprise you with awesomeness!” he said, raising his hands while wiggling his fingers. And with his action and comment, he couldn’t quite hold back that grin – it was inevitable.

[/blockquote]

[Xio Beckett]

I fumble through every word that is spoken
and I barely knew your name
I'm tongue-tied, it runs through my blood and my insides
Some things we can't escape

“Its not that easy,” she sighed to Evan. “Not for me anyway. I don’t like opening up to people and then having them be jerks to me. I’ve done that a lot of my life and it starts to get old after a while.” She could understand him being able to live with it. He was confident and social. He was everything that she was not. People didn’t treat him like a plague on a regular basis.

Xio watched him carefully, but in amusement. It was funny how saying or doing something simple like agree with someone could boost their confidence up another notch. He was tall enough as it was without trying to be taller and this for some odd reason made her chuckle. She felt pretty good right about now. The last person and only person she had felt this at ease with was her close friend Ivan and he was something else completely. But hey, he understood her. Xio almost felt normal.

Her eyes flickered to his face, or to be more exact, his smile. It was totally crooked and it was freaking cute. The kind that if someone else tried to pull off it would come off as stupid and cheese. Now she had one hand on her hip and her eyes were glittering in delight as the boy tapped his chin oh so thoughtfully and was suddenly enlightened.

Xio burst out laughing at him and his wiggling fingers. Just for that, she would let him in. That had to be the cheesiest, dorkiest, funniest thing she seen in a while. “You know,” She copied his actions, her finger coming up to tap her chin. “You may be right. They seem pretty cool, I guess. Kind of weird, though…but nice.” She nodded at the thought, as if she was discussing philosophy instead sociology and giggled. She was only teasing him this time. She was too chicken to admit it, but by now, she really did want to get to know him.

[Evan Warner]

what’s more important?
saving yourself or letting me in?

His smile widened when he saw her eyes quickly flicker to his smile. It was small, but it made his smile grow larger, if it were even possible. Then she smiled and he heard her laugh. Like, genuinely laugh. Sure, it was kind of at him, but he could deal with that. But her laugh - it kind of made his heart skip a tad. But only a tad. And it’s not like he’d ever admit it. To anyone. In the back of his mind, he was glad that Adalyn wasn’t around – he’d certainly be screwed.

“You may be right. They seem pretty cool, I guess. Kind of weird, though…but nice.”


Evan relaxed in his stance, his grin dimming to a dull tug at the corners of his mouth. “Ha,” he said shortly, trying not to smile too much, “I bet they take pride in being kind of weird.” He gave a sort of unsure shrug before laughing it off. There was a sort of moment after his laughter had died down where there was comfortable silence.

During this silence, he couldn’t help it. He just looked her over. He took in her every feature. From her petite figure to the way she had a soft sparkle in her eyes. He smiled softly, unknowingly letting his eyes linger a tad bit too long. Evan quickly looked away, realizing he stared longer than necessary. He hastily tried to hide the heat rushing into his face by pushing his hair into his face and looking away from her completely.

Another moment passed before he got to thinking – he really did want to know her. But isn’t it first thing first? He didn’t even know the most obvious thing about her – her name. He shifted his feet awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. Looking up, he bit his lip, suddenly dwindling into shyness again. “Uhm…,” he mumbled quietly, almost inaudibly. He dropped his shoulder, unsure of where he was taking this. Certainly, all he wanted was to know her name. Or was it?

In the back of his mind, he thought about how he could get to know her. And then it hit him. Like a brick to the face. There’s a dance coming up, isn’t there? He swept away the thought because it was ridiculous, right? The more he mulled it over, the more it didn’t seem like such a bad idea. “I – er – have a question,” he murmured, looking up. He placed his arm behind his head, scratching his neck nervously.

“Uhm…,” he hummed, thinking over how to ask this exactly. “What exactly is your name?” he asked, “If you’re going to tell me.” He gave a sort of nervous and playful smile. “Because it’d be a lot easier to ask you to the dance if I knew,” he mumbled under his breath, his cheeks growing a little warmer by the second. It seemed bizarre that he was asking some girl he had only just met to the dance. But somewhere in his mind, he made sense.

[[[SUPER LONG POST FOR YOU, M'DEAR! <3
thank you for being patient.]]]

[/blockquote]

[Xio Beckett]

Relax, girl, it'll be alright.
No one can stop you if you try.

Damn him and his contagious smile. She found it extremely hard to wipe it off her face; it just kept getting bigger and bigger until she was sure she was grinning like a moron and there was nothing she could do about it. She wanted to smile. She could feel a small ounce of happiness within and it was something she hadn’t felt in a really long time. She was almost afraid that once it left it would not return.

“Ha, I bet they take pride in being kind of weird.”

She could tell him was trying not to laugh then and she had to resist the urge not to laugh so it wouldn’t keep looking like she was laughing at him. “If you see him, tell him he’s doing a great job.” She laughed with a small laugh. There it was again, that silence. It draped over them as the laughter faded out and pulled her eyes to the floor where she hoped he couldn’t read them. Reflex. It wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as she thought it would and that made it easier to bring her eyes back to his and smile a very small, shy smile.

She could feel eyes drinking her, traveling everywhere, studying here. It made her stand still, want to look pretty all of a sudden, like he might shake his head and say ‘No. Not good enough.’ Xio swallowed the dryness in her throat, and brought her own eyes to his face taking in everything from his tall frame to the way his lips curved. Again, with the lips. She needed to stop staring at them. The heat was crawling up her neck by now. They were both just standing there, checking each other out. Maybe not on purpose, but there was no escaping the want to study his face and impress that image in her mind. She should have controlled herself better. The way he suddenly looked away from her, almost like he was just going to leave made eyebrows pull together and she leaned forward, bare noticeable. Had she done something wrong? Wait…Was he blushing?

She was getting ready to say something--she didn’t know what, she just wanted him to look back at her for some reason but the sudden shifting of his feet, his hands running through his hair…the way his teeth came down on his lip made her stop in curiosity. For a moment he looked kind of…shy. It was almost funny; it was nothing like the confidence he had held a few minutes ago. Xio could feel that same shyness coming back to her too.

“I – er – have a question”

His hand came up to the back of his neck and she subconsciously shifted towards him, one hand on her other arm, waiting to hear what was too hard for him to possibly get out. Why wouldn’t he just say it? She gotten comfortable with him just saying what he pleased all of this introversion was making her overly curious. Her own hand came up to pull on a strand of her long dark hair. Not too hard, just enough to satisfy her OCD. She did that sometimes when she got frustrated or nervous. She was trying to make it less obvious and not do it so much, but right now it was hard not to tug her hair. She wanted him to spit it out! “Yes…?” She prompted him, with a small smile.

“Uhm…What exactly is your name? If you’re going to tell me.”
Xio cracked a smile. She’d forgotten she still hadn’t told him and she was about to when he went on, her smile fading in surprise, her parting just a little.

“Because it’d be a lot easier to ask you to the dance if I knew.”
She blinked in confusion, unsure whether she had heard him correctly or if she was making up things in her head again. She had never been asked to a dance before. Ever. Actually, she had never been asked out period. The feeling was totally and completely unfamiliar to her and without thinking about, she turned her head to glance behind her in case he had been talking to them instead. There was no one there, obviously so when she turned back all she could do was blink. Now he was blushing again. Since when did she make people blush? “Uh,” She mumbled. Was this a bad idea? Getting close to someone always ended badly. “Xio,” She said softly. “My name is Xio.” She bit her lip to her hide smile and ducked her head because it was true. She wanted to go--there was just a small part of her that was afraid.

[[Yay, ;] <3 Long post for you as well!]]

[Evan Warner]

When she didn’t answer him at first, Evan’s heart dropped. She just stared at him, blinking. Suddenly, he felt all the confidence he had ever had drain out of him. He wanted to just curl up in a ball on his bed and forget this had happen. He wanted to rewind and leave off where they were; unasked to dances and nameless. But he needed to know her name. He had to. As for the dance… He couldn’t quite explain that move. Sure, it had sounded smooth, plausible – hell, even cute – in his mind. But out in the open, it sounded stupid.

“My name is Xio.”

The way it sounded on her tongue made it seem that much better. It was that much better. He watched her lip get pulled between her teeth to hide a slight smile forming. He pretended not to notice this and just rested with looking into her eyes. “Xio,” he mumbled under his breath. He smiled slightly, liking the way it sounded. He shifted slightly, fighting to get the rest of the question out. But he couldn’t. No, he knew she’d probably shoot him down. But… he already said it. There was no turning back.

“Well, Xio,” he said, shifting his weight back and forth between feet, “How ‘bout it?” He gave her a shy, lopsided grin, lowering his head slightly to hide his unavoidable blush. He felt dumb, that was for sure. But once it was out in the open, he really couldn’t say he was joking because, well, that’d be a lie. And Evan wasn’t a liar. Not in the least. He let out a sigh, bracing himself for the rejection and get it over with.

[[[*begs for forgiveness*]]]

[/blockquote]

[Xio Beckett]

And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking.

She liked it, the way he said her name. He had only mumbled it but it sounded good coming from him. So much better than when she did. She almost asked him to say it again but she was smart enough to do anything stupid; Things were not happening the way they should be. Wait. Correction: Things were not happening the way she was used to. She was sure that maybe he had fallen and hit head on something because she could not fathom the reason as why he would possibly want to take her to the dance. But she did want to go. Oh, yes, she wanted to go. There he was again, holding her gaze. It was like he knew she couldn’t look away; and he was right. Those eyes were smoldering.

“Well, Xio, how ‘bout it?”

She loved how he looked the slightest bit afraid. She got the impression he was always smooth and charming yet with the way he was shifting now, you would never guess it. It made him seem more appealing in a way and her shy smile widened. She wanted to say yes so bad, she was mentally screaming it. But that small voice in her head kept bringing up stupid obstacles. What if bumped into you? How will you dance? What would you possible wear?

“I…uhm,” Xio licked her dry lips and tried to not look so stupid. She swallowed nervously. “I would love to go to the dance with you.” The words were awkward to say, only because she never thought she would be using them. It surprised her more than you can imagine. She paused for a moment and smiled again, bordering on the edge of a grin. “Yeah,” She said almost to herself, “that would be great…“ She smirked. “Just promise me…you’ll wear converse.”


[[psh. Of course I do. <3 Sorry I keep making mine so long. >_<]]

[Evan Warner]

He saw in her eyes all the questions running through her brain. Sure, Evan had a few of his own. For instance, how would they dance and all, with her power that could possibly kill him if he were to touch her? Honestly, he didn’t really want to think about it. Not yet. Not unless she said yes. Not unless everything worked out. Not unless she said –

“I would love to go to the dance with you.”

He grinned, letting out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He really hadn’t expected her to say yes. Actually, he hadn’t expected her to say anything at all. He expected her to just laugh it off as if it were a joke. And honestly, he kind of wished she had. But that feeling was gone. It was covered up by inevitable happiness. He was going to the dance. And with Xio. He thought that maybe it was that last part that made him happiest.

“Just promise me…you’ll wear converse.”

Her near grin turned into a smirk when she said it and he laughed. “Of course,” he said with a cheeky grin. He wouldn’t tell her what he really was going to wear for the dance. Himself and a bunch of other guys were going to go to the dance in virtually nothing. Nothing. Well, except shoes. Those would be important. No, he thought, he’d keep that a surprise. “Yeah. I promise.”

[/blockquote]

[Xio Beckett]

-END OF THREAD-